Alarm Going Off? Here’s What Not to Do

4/10/2021

Fun fact: Your fob might unlock the doors but NOT turn the alarm system off. I speak from experience.

If that happens, your dusty old school code; the one you used to use waaay back in 2019, might not turn off the screaming alarm system. Again, speaking from experience.

There are about 4 or 5 numbers listed on the sign-in clipboard hanging the wall. You could call the first one listed for the Alarm Company but that would be a complete waste of time. They will give you "the tech-shrug" and say that the Main Office will get right back to you.

Which, as of this writing, will take at least 38 minutes and counting.

(Say it with me!) Speaking! from! experience!!!

Nope, don't waste time contacting Sleepy Time Alarm Services but instead, call the District Alarm guys at 360-xxx-xxxx, who monitor the district alarms on the weekends and (here's the important part that Sleepy Time can't quite grasp), they can do something to help the situation. Like turning that $%$#@% alarm system the &$#!! off.

So, hats off to G and the Rest of the CK Crew. You guys rock! And my apologies for making you come out to CC on a Saturday.

That number again: 360.xxx.xxxx. I wrote it in Big Letters at the top of the Clipboard so there's no missing it.

(Hand to God: Sleepy Time just called me back. It's been an hour and 4 minutes since I initially called them. Good thing I'm not some Evil­ Doer intent on doing evil!

(Or am I????).

Time to get some work done!!

Mysterio Undies

12/10/2018

Hey All,

At about 3:15, KM comes over to me and blithely tells me there are two mysterious pairs of underwear in her backpack. Which she hands to me. Now, a student who saw all this, let's just call him "JP", being the problem­ solving wiz, tells me to just put them in the Gear Adrift Box.

I did not.

Being the Highly Training Professional, I thanked her and placed them out of sight. And we all continued on with Classroom Clean Up.

(Now the children are gone.)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I don’t want girl’s underwear, I do not want them anywhere

Not on a boat

Not with a goat

Not in a portable

This is unsupportable!!!

…

Okay, slightly calmer now. So, any idea where or who or...…. What, we got an Underwear Fairy at CC now?? This is unacceptable.

I'm going home now.

Point of clarification. The skivvies were unremarkable (though, Thank God, clean). Their presence in the backpack was the mysterious part.

Dear Firearm Safety Guy

I’m glad you are a longtime safety instructor and no doubt my son will learn a lot from you. However, please don’t take my mentioning that I am a public school teacher as an invitation to start lecturing me on what’s wrong with Common Core or graduation requirements or….. really anything on the topic. You see, we are not equals in this discussion.

Here is what I mean.

Me:

·          BA in Childhood Development

·          Masters in Educational Technology

·          15 Years Teaching; the last 5 teaching Math/Science exclusively.

·          Roughly 60 hours this previous year doing after-hours trainings on education-related issues.

·          Education-Related books I am reading (on my own time) or have finished reading just within the past 6 months:

-12 Essential Scientific Concepts (a 12-hour lecture series, actually)

-Naked Statistics

-How to Not Be Wrong

-The Smartest Kids in the World

And you, Firearm Safety Guy? Where does your deep knowledge on educating Americans for life in the 21st Century come from? In addition to teaching kids to avoid the explody end of the gun, here is your Curriculum Vitae:

-Your daughter graduated from high school about 15 years ago and…

-You’re married to a schoolteacher.

So…. this somehow means I (a mere poseur) could somehow benefit from your words of wisdom.

Nope!

I have training, facts and experience on my side. You have opinions and anecdotes. (Newsflash! The plural of “anecdote” is “anecdotes”-not “facts”. )

Dunning-Kruger Effect. Please look it up.

And so, next time you feel the need to do some mansplaining to another clueless teacher, please ask whether your expertise comes from this mind-set:

A)     I went to school 10, 20, 30, 40+ years ago.  I turned out fine so why change a good-enough system?

Here is my standard answer, Jethro.

1) Your school was preparing you for life in the 20th Century.  My students will be living/working in the 21st Century. You might have noticed that our world has changed in the past 10, 20, 30, 40+ years.  Skills required then are no longer required now. Skills required now were unheard of then. Not sure what the future will call for but I am positive that thinking critically and being able to communicate that thinking will be necessary.

2) Would you want other professions to accept “good enough”? How about your dentist? Can he stick with what worked at the start of this his career decades ago? I mean, it worked okay, didn’t it? You survived your trips to the dentist so why bother with all that new fangled technologies and procedures?

Ledger books worked fine for my dad’s accountant. Why complicate things up with this spreadsheet thing?

3) Final point on whether you are just an all around know-it-all, OR you just don’t think much of the teaching profession, especially the parts which are overwhelmingly female. (Parents are just so much more comfortable sharing their opinions with elementary school teachers versus high school teachers.)

Here is a little litmus test for yourself. Have you said or even feel the need to say something like the following:

Ah, you are an accountant, huh? I just gotta say that I am not a big fan of “fair value accounting”.

Or, maybe something like this?

Ms. Smith here is a pharmacist. I was just explaining to her that the “unit –dose system” is the wrong way to go.

No? You have never felt the need to explain the facts of life to your local optometrist, clergy, nurse, audiologist or architect? Ever?? Ever wonder why? Why you feel qualified to lecture others on this one single profession?

I know the answer but you’ll have to figure this one out on your own. Maybe you can use some “critical thinking skills” but I doubt you will. Either way, I don’t give a rip. Spare me and all teachers you encounter your uneducated, illogical, and fact-free opinions.  We don’t care what you think and all have much better things to do.

Yours,

A 5th Grade Teacher

We’ve Grown Accustomed

After taking this guttersnipe into our loving arms and teaching her the basics of English, our Eliza B-Little has decided to run off to another school. Who needs her???

𝆕𝆕 Darn! Darn! Darn!!

We've grown accustomed to this head case!

She almost has my name correct.

We've grown accustomed to complaints

Of toys failing to stimulate.

Her smell, her schnoz,

Her enternal meno-pause

Are second nature to us now;

Like burping while fahting.

We were serenely independent and content before we met;

Surely we could always be that way again-

And yet

We've grown accustomed to her tech savvy;

Accustomed to her voice;

Accustomed to this head case. 𝆕𝆕

(spoken)

"Jackson Park” What an infantile idea. What a heartless, wicked, brainless thing to do.

But she'll regret it, Mostly they’ll regret it.

It's doom the first time she tries to say the school name!

𝆕𝆕 But we’re so used to hear her say

"”Hey, Mr. Haddy” every day.

Her dances so strange,

Her fucking book exchange.

Are second nature to us now;

Like a wart upon my ass.

We’re very grateful she's leaving

And so easy to forget;

Rather like the wind

She must always break-

And yet,

We've grown accustomed to the trace

Of unnaturally brown hair;

Accustomed to this head case. 𝆕𝆕

Fridge Saga Conclusion

Sent: Friday, May 18, 2018 7:34 AM

Subject: Day 3-“THE THIRD DAY”

Mixed emotions here. The lower portion of the refrigerator was not too shabby. Not great but I didn’t feel to the need to hose off afterwards.

First of all, the three amigos have lasted another year.

 Believe it or not, they have another 2 months till they go bad. Well, two months before they’re officially even worse. I was soooo close to chucking them but I know some teachers do a pancake breakfast that last school day of the year. (Hey kids! You do know that you can put this “syrup” on the pancakes, right?!?)

And of course, there is the Hallowed Clear Creek Tradition, going back decades, of the school principal chugging a bottle of syrup at the End of the Year Seminar. I guess keeping these could will save Principal Toby $5 or so.

Speaking of Our Fearless Leader, while interviewing prospective Assistant Principals and teachers, make a point that CC Elementary remains and will always be an inclusive school. All types are welcome here.

 But then again…

 No, your monitor setting’s aren’t slightly off. Just the mayonnaise. Maybe the expiration date of November of last year is the cause.

Weirdest thing. It was all these little green bags of…chocolate(?) in both heart- and star-shapes. They were everywhere.

At least they probably started out star- and heart-shaped. After doing an autopsy on one of the bags, the results were less conclusive.

 Yes, my good man. I would like to buy 2 pounds of your finest chocolate kidney stones, please!

One thing I feel important to mention. Contrary to popular opinion, plastic bags don’t actually offer any protective benefits for the food within. Hence, this one-time pastry.

 This little grenade was part of a most peculiar collection within a chic black plastic bag. There’s a story here. A story of Adventure! Loyal Feline Companions! (Or at least a hungry one which is pretty much the same thing with cats.) Slightly Expired Cheese! Thirst! Weaponized Banana Cake! And Halitosis!

But such a story is beyond the meager abilities of this word smith to do it justice. Feel free to take it from here. Maybe this could be the idea for our spring writing prompt?

So that was it for Thursday. If all goes to plan, I will, A) be shocked as hell and B) attempt the freezer today after school.

Stay frosty!

Our Most Useless Things

(With apologies to Rogers and Hammerstein.)

(and Dame Judy Andrews)

(Really, just the whole country of Austria…)

♫ Boxes of Ice

And food for dogs long dead,

Whoever left this mess was kind of a dickhead,

Brown paper bags leaking smelly black strings,

These are a few of our most useless things! ♫

♫ Blood-colored drips from “food” long passed its shelf life, 

Oozing green- Holy crap!

What’s with the butcher knife??

Syrup from “Aught10” and whatever we call this thing,       

These are a few our most useless things! ♫

♫ When the water’s foul

When the kids bite

When I’m feeling blue.

I simply remember all these gross things

And then I want to spew! ♫

♫ Boxes of Ice

And what’s with the single tong?

Is this a frozen hair? Well that’s just so very wrong!

Brown paper bags leaking smelly black strings,

These are a few of our most useless things! ♫

♫ Burritos are beans, so then why’s this one bleeding?

We have yet more coffee makers?

Oh Crap, now they’re breeding!

Bags and more bags of these chocolate…somethings!

These are a few of our most useless things! ♫

 ♫ Cassette tapes, tiny wicker chairs

And many tons of glitter,

Why can’t we just fuss up?

We’re mostly saving our litter.

Confession time, why can’t we just come out and say it?

This place is infested with every kind of useless…stuff.

I believe in the advantages that being organized brings.

Isn’t it time we decided to purge all these useless things?!?  ♫

…………….

Another Year Another Fridge Saga

Sent: Friday, May 11, 2018 3:17 PM

Subject: Potential Threat at CC

This morning, local authorities were notified of a potentially grave danger at a local elementary school. Specialized Disaster Response Teams, at the county, state and Federal level will be called in next week to assess and deal with this toxic situation.

“It’s a damnable stinky situation!” said SSgt. Wink Tinkleson of the Washington State Hideous Appliance Task Force (WaSHATF) , “Some of those victuals have been in there since the Obama Administration! I’ve known many a (5th grade) teacher and they’ll eat anything put in front of them! Or really, put anywhere near them!”

First Assistance Response Teams will be removing and destroying anything unlabeled and icky by no later than the middle of next week.

Stay tuned.

CK School District Redundant Department of Redundancy.

Sent: Wednesday, May 16, 2018 7:55 AM

Subject: The Big Chill - Day 1

It was with a smile on my face and a song in my heart that I approached Day 1 of Refrigerator Excavation. Since it had been only a mere 12 months since my last Epic Cleaning Adventure, (now available in eBook at your local B. Dalton!) how much more could there be to do?

Sigh. Turns out plenty.

Well, opening the door on the right hand refrigerator, I encountered an old friend.

Same awesome duct tape. Same suspicious liquid sloshing around inside. When I am a braver man, I will actually try opening it. Possibly on the day of my retirement in 2083.

As always, I started at the bottom and worked my way up. (Pause for ribald comments) My first discovery; in the produce drawers, was downright delightful.

A 5lb. bag of baby carrots. Not expired. So, I left it there. There’s got to be a story here.

However, my delight will turn to….a slightly weaker form of “delight” if these suckers don’t get eaten in the next 30-some days. Get on it, people!

The rest of the fridge part was downright dull. Keep climbing.

What soon jumped out at me was how many of the items in the freezer also had a starring role in my first Magnum Opus from 12 months ago. This sucker for instance.

The snarky comment on top is from today but the “Up For Grabs” blue one on the side there? That’s a genuine Hardy Post-It, circa May of ’17.

Guess nobody felt like grabbing it.

There were three such huge 1-gallon sherbet containers, all full or nearly so and quite vintage. Clyde stopped by and said he’d gladly take one of the sherbets home and off he merrily went.

He must have assumed I am always speechless with a look of horror on my face when throwing out food.

Ten minutes later, C was back (and, to my surprise, alive). He said he’d actually opened it and, well, he just wasn’t that brave.

So, who ever had “Col. Clyde, The Library, Rainbow Sherbet” in the CC Elemetary version of Clue is just out of luck.

There were 4 concentrated juice cans in the door shelves but they too, were a bit past their prime.

 Don’t know if you can make it out but right next to the BB date of May 2015, is an inspection time of both 08:35 and 08:37. Get it right, guys! I just can’t believe all the hooey we had to put up with before America Got Great Again!

This leads to a bit of a quandary. The oldest stuff in here should have Best By dates of no later than May of 2017. So either whoever did this job last time was a complete moron OR somebody at this institution of learning is trying to punk me.

The first explanation does NOT necessarily preclude the second.

The oldest thing? (Besides that green water bottle left over from the Great War) The honor goes to these Kool Pops.

Best By Feb. 2012. Much less bester by May, 2018. Couldn’t even convince C to take a sample.

The grossest thing? That one’s easy. No contest. I’ll not think less of you if you need to avert your eyes.

Not sure what the expiration date was but, it’s… edamame! (shudder)

One last thing to share; this one as nearly as wonderful as the baby carrots. Rooting around, I pulled this artifact out.

It’s a plastic bag, correctly labeled in legible handwriting (I’m talking to you, “Ab”!) with name and date. Just how it should be! Why can’t we all show such attention to detail!?!

Mrs. Z, I salute you!

What was in this Exemplar of Exactitude?

Not a damn thing.

But still, were it to contain something, I would definitely know whose it was and when it was put into the freezer.

So, Mrs. Z’s in first place. In something.

A note on upcoming installments. Due to, well, work, I won’t be able to tackle the cooling unit on the sinister side till Thursday at the earliest. While I was happily throwing this and that away this afternoon, Mrs. Anita came in to check on and label the PTA frozen treats.

And according to Anita (who’s Southern so I just agree with everything she says-Trust me on this one, guys!) the freezer hadn’t really kept everything frozen. That may be the cause of the funky smell and also means there will be a lot of things tossed into the garbage my next go around.

And all the while, the two guys below will be glaring at me.

Back to work,

Major Tom

Deep Thought Post Script. If a “freezer” isn’t really freezing things, what should it be called?.........

Sent: Thursday, May 17, 2018 7:45 AM

Subject: Curiouser and Curiouser. Day 2

Yesterday after work, Mrs. S was actually cleaning the Staff Room (as opposed to whatever the heck I’m currently doing) and so I just poked around the edges, staying out of her way. I’ll get serious this PM. And speaking of:

Seriously?

Not saying that each and every one of those (one, two, three…) seven (7!) coffee makers isn’t a valued member of the CC Elementary Family but maybe we could possibly send a few away? Just a thought.

I am trying to dry out the ones that had liquid still in them. The photo from the inside of device second from the left is simply too heinous for polite company. Or even you guys. I recommend incineration.

For the coffee pot.

The saddest item?

One stirrer (?). No power cord. Even if it was less pathetic (and there is another mixer in the cupboards), do we do a whole lot of mixing here at CC? If memory serves, we heat baked potatoes here. That’s it. Anyone feel a strong emotional attachment to Culinary Science’s Top Innovation of 1982?

And finally… 

No idea but you might be seeing this again at the Awards Ceremony.

Back to work.

Mr. H

Refrigerator Excavations

Proper Notice

Sent: Friday, April 28, 2017

To: Everyone

Subject: Time For a Clean Sweep!

Folks,

Next week, Mrs S. and I will have Staff Duty and I have decided to take the job of cleaning out the fridges.

Since they were never cleaned out over the summer, there still items from 2015-2016 in there.

Yesterday, while unsuccessfully rooting around for my Emergency Burrito, I found half an ice cream sandwich.

Half an ice cream sandwich….

And a bag of somewhat melted popsicles got stuck to my hand.

They are pretty awful and we’re coming up on hot weather when many of us like to buy cold treats for our students. But not in those two freezers.

So anyway, sometime during the next week, I’ll start going through both and tossing anything that looks questionable. I’ll start with the right fridge.

If there is something you are really counting on for your next class party; that half an ice cream sandwich is essential to your May Party Plans, then please name/date it so I’ll know not to get rid of it. (I have velcro’d a Sharpie to each freezer for this purpose.)

That too much trouble?? Then just email me to tell me that, yes, you do want to keep that 90% empty bucket of year-old vanilla ice cream and I will make a note of it.

No need to thank me. I’m just bossy that way.

Mr. H.

Part One

Sent: Wednesday, May 03, 2017

Subject: Refrigerator Excavation: Day 1-A Mystery Solved!

Well, my first foray into cleaning out our heinous refrigerators went about as expected. Due to Amazon's shocking failure to deliver as promised-

-I stuck with the least dangerous option: cleaning out the right side freezer.

What did I discover? Many things. 

Many repellent things..

A crap-ton of intertwined otter pops got chucked. More of an otter sphere. 

There were a few unlabeled items which were not repellent: 3 full tubs of ice cream. It would... pain me to have toss out such nectar so I put an "Up For Grabs" Post-It on each. I'll give them till Friday. Please use them.  Don't we have a Fun Run coming up?  June maybe?  

But enough of my bloviating. I know what you Common Folk are clamoring for. You want to know which item has won today's coveted "Grossest Item Not Even Fit For Jackson Park's Staff Room" trophy.
Well, it was a tough call. While surveying for my next excavation in the cooler below, I unearthed this possible aperitif. 

From Hell!!

Anyone know if sparkling cider improves with age like fine wines and dudes in their late 40's? 

The September, 2015 date would seem to argue against. 

That liquid peaked a year and a half ago. It’s been all downhill from then.

But the winner was a single small nugget stuck to floor of the ice box. "Stuck" isn't the right word as when I picked it up, the one-time....popsicle(?) started to… ooze off the stick. While still theoretically frozen.

This is not natural. 

(Shudder….)

So that was Day 1. Who knows what exciting loathsome adventures lay before me? Tune in next time! 

Oh, that mystery solved? Well, I discovered this note, way in the back, and it explains a lot. 

Sigh. That bastard is always one step ahead of me....

Refrigerator Excavations Part Two

Sent: Wednesday, May 03, 2017 5:12 PM

Subject: Refrigerator Excavation: Day 2. Importance: Low

Okay, I’ve settled down now.

And just washed my hands for the 87th time.

It actually went more quickly today. Just a few things of note.

First, what’s with all the syrup? Was there a great Syrup Panic 3 or 4 years ago; causing someone here to want to stock up?

Oldest thing exhumed? Well, that would be this can of V-8.

Just think of all that history that little cylinder has seen!

Whomever bought this was probably wondering how the Seahawks’ new coach was going to do. And if the first season of Game of Thrones would be worth watching.

But that wasn’t the most peculiar thing. Not even close.

Nor was it the almost two years expired unopened jar of sauerkraut.

You see, sauerkraut starts out disgusting so it really didn’t have that far to fall.

No, what gets the Most Peculiar Prize was this little bag and its contents.

So somebody, after guzzling down some syrup and presumably some carrots, decided that he or she was simply too full to finish eating the….

Zero grams of carrots left.

That’s weird. (Though, not necessarily weird in a bad way.)

But, all in all, it went pretty smoothly. Thank you to all who have done a great job labeling stuff. You might want to avoid breathing anywhere near the Staff Room garbage can for the foreseeable future.

Or even just breathing in the Staff Room.

Tomorrow, I start the Port-Side Unit. I’m pretty confident it will go just as well.

Your Loyal Servant,

Bob

Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2017

Subject: Refrigerator Excavation: Part 3: The Frigidaire Strikes Back!

Syrup. Found more syrup.

…..

Well, the Lower Left Quadrant is done. And from the thunder and lightning outside, it seems I angered the Penicillin Gods.

The process continues to speed up. Either you all have started dumping your own expired stuff OR I’m just not being as picky as to what gets thrown out.

And chuck I did!

Wow, do we ever like our Mustard here!

Sadly, most of it was long expired so we are down to a mere 3 varieties of the stuff: honey, spicy brown, and, uh…“yellow”? (Is that an actual category?)

Anyway, now’s the time when we teachers need to decide whether to put in for a transfer. I expect many of you have a hard decision as to whether you want to tough out 2017-18 in a place with such a dearth of yellowish condiment options.

There were a few extra repellent items.

This, for instance:

Or the substance below. Strange. It doesn’t seem raw and yet, it’s not…cooked.

Somehow, this bacon managed to… mummify itself?

This little micro-ecosystem probably has the making of several Ph.D. dissertations. It might have been the start of whole new branches of science!

But who cares? Into the trash can it went.

But those items were gross. Gross, I can handle.

But this below really annoys me!

I’m waiting for the Lab Reports to get back to me but this looks like 2? 3? months ago, somebody brought in a small Tupperware-full of fried rice.

And then proceeded to forget about it.

This is just thoughtless, people!

This did not come out of a package.

That’s brown rice in there; which takes a lot longer to cook than white rice. Not that this chuckle-head cared! Nope! Just shoved it in the back and forgot about it. :(

I know how labor intensive this dish is because, on rare occasions, Mrs. Hardy will make it for me.

….with peas

…and diced ham…..

You know what? Let’s not dwell on this. The Bacon wins today’s Grossest Item Found Award.

Time to go disinfect my body.

Your Most Humble Servant, Earl

Sent: Sunday, May 07, 2017 10:24 AM

Subject: RE: Part 4: The Final Insult

Well, all good things must come to an end.

As do all loathsome and tedious things.

(Excepting the Medicaid studies, of course.)

We finished on Friday, and I mean We as Mrs. S joined me. Now I know how much hearing “Eeeeeewww!” every 3 to 4 minutes can really improve worker morale.

Anyway, there were the usual grody suspects. Here the World’s Saddest Ice Cream Treat; both pre and post-autopsy:

All together now: “Eeeeeewww!”

Then there was the occasional head scratcher:

Three ice cubes.

In a freezer bag.

Inside a freezer.

Trippy……….

And I thought the single frozen strawberry was a nice touch. Artistes such as myself appreciate such attention to detail.

But, all in all, the project ended well. What was once two very large cool petri dishes are now slightly more useable. Despite my “everything must go” attitude at the start of the project, there are still a few “Free to a Good Home” edibles left over. Please enjoy.

My family enjoyed some only slightly rank birthday cake ice cream over the weekend.

And syrup and prune juice make an excellent…..substance. We got a month and 4 bottles to finish here, people!

Not sure how I feel about those two new big boxes on the port-side unit but it’s time for me to put down the mantle.

That damp, moldy, shriveled up mantle…

…..

Or is it??

Friday, I’ve had literally… ones of people asking me to continue this agony of cleaning up crap for Clear Creek’s entertainment.

(Who knew Mrs. B. was such twisted wreck of humanity?)

Well, that got me thinking. (Pause for snide comments to die down.) Having just finished a Fun Run Fundraiser, why not start another!

Wish to join BAT-Let’s Make Brian Continue to Suffer For Our Amusement at the Nerf Herder Level of Membership:

Imagine your delight as I tackle....

The Horror Show that is Mrs. L’s Room!!!!

(Da! Da! Daaaa!)

The Post-it 2 inches off center! (gasp!)

The chair, not completely pushed in! (another gasp!)

The one chapter book placed in amongst the NF titles! (synonym for gasp!)

The ^%&##@ missing light switch!! (huh?)

Wish to up your game? Really feeling the need to support worthy causes like BAT-LMBCtSFOA?

That Bald Guy in Cloud City With the Cell Phones On His Head -Level Of Membership: Two words - Mr. B.

And finally, for those who just are all heart. Who believes in supporting fine art; even when it’s horrible…

I present:

Admiral Ackbar Level Membership.

Imagine the laughter, the tears, the suspense as I tackle the greatest (and by that I mean nastiest) challenge of my career: Portable 49

Be one of the first to sign up get a genuine School District tote bag! I’ve got, what? 18 years’ worth of them?

Time to do some real work.

Boba

End of Day Scene – 5th Grade

3/30/2017

The Place: Room 49.

The Time: Roughly 1:30.

The People: Mr.  Hardy sitting at the Bean Table surrounded by anxious students.

The Situation: Many, many 5th graders have a mere 15 minutes with which to take their AR quiz and/or math homework. After that, the assignments are missing and students will start their spring break with a Red Light.

Mr. Hardy: Okay! Who here needs to take an AR quiz?

(3 hands go up)

Mr. Hardy: Okay, you three hop onto the Chromebooks as soon I'm done here. W, what do you need?

W: Can I look through the Lesson 28s? I think I already turned that in.

Mr. Hardy: Done! Here you go. C, what do you need?

C: Can somebody show me haw to open the Chromebook?

Mr. Hardy: A, show him how it's done! Alright, what do you need?

K: Here, taste this goldfish and tell me if it tastes minty. (Waves a goldfish under Mr. Hardy’s. nose.)

Mr. Hardy: (speechless)

(I'll be laughing about this for years.)

Possible Classroom Name and the Vital Importance of Clear Enunciation

9/4/2015

Student: Hey, Mr. Hardy, can we be the Hardy Whores?

Brian: What?!?

Student: Hardy Whores? Could we choose that as a class name?

Brian: … Uh… Could you spell that?

Student: Whores. The Hardy Whores.

Brian: Yeah, I heard you but am not quite sure what word you are suggesting. Could you use that word in a sentence?

Student: …

Brian: Okay, what’s a synonym for that word?

Student: Ummm… Horrible?

Brian: Ah, you want us to be the Hardy Hor-rors. Two syllables.

Student: Yup, that’s what I said.

Brian: I’ll think about it.