Barnes and Noble Fundraiser (Again)

10/22/2012

Saturday went pretty well. Granted, you don't want to follow SS during this sort of thing but I think I kept the kids pretty well entertained.

Miscommunication

10/19/2012

Time: This afternoon.

Scene: Mrs. S's Class.

Event: Students scurrying enter the classroom to get to work. In the scrum, one boy, T, is grimacing in pain from bumping into something. Seems his finger got smashed.

Teacher: You okay?

T: …Uh-huh.

Teacher: Well, let me look at it.

T: What? No, I'm okay. (Obviously not okay)

Teacher: Well, you should put some ice on it or it will get swollen.

T: No, really, I'm okay. (Snickers around the classroom.)

Teacher: Alright, but you should have somebody look at that before it gets too swollen.

(More giggling)

A bit later

J, quietly to Mrs. S: Mrs. S, T didn't hurt his finger....

Teacher: Then what?....

J: Slowly, surreptitiously looks down at his crotch.

Teacher: Oh. My. God.....

Life in a Portable

9/7/2012

J

By the way, you'll appreciate this. You appreciate this sort of "earthy" humor. I told part of my story to R-Dub yesterday when I was pointing out her classroom restroom has its downsides.

Thursday about 3:55 PM. I'm on the throne for a good long while. So much so that even I am starting to say, "Damn! I really stink! What the hell have I been eating?' Finish my bid'ness and leave the restroom.

Just as B is walking in the classroom door.

Wincing, I say hello and walk over to my computer. Please just empty the garbage. Please just empty the garbage. Don't go over to the-Crap! Literally!

So I spend the next 6 Looooong minutes extremely interested in my computer, praying that Becky doesn't keel over from my funk. And then I scurry out.

The STANKIEST MAN AT CLEAR CREEK.

Today about 4:15. My turncoat tummy again calls for a bathroom break. I'm in there like, what 3 minutes? Okay, 3 very productive minutes and I hear a knock on the restroom door. Please let her not be outside waiting. Please let her not be outside waiting.. Ahhh shit. She’s still here.

There she was. Eagerly awaiting to attack any restroom filth. Feeling a bit like a turd myself, I sheepishly told her she didn't need to worry about the restroom tonight. Becky said she'd come back later.

I really miss Vince. I think you missed him by a year but he would have really appreciated …..uh...….. this sort of thing. Guess that's just guy humor.

As it is, I am going to beg B to be allowed to clean my own restroom. I may get the Union involved.

If that fails, I think I'll just run over to your old portable to take my "The Kids Are Gone; Time to Relax All The Way Down" bathroom break. I'm sure R-dub and P won't mind.

Sigh. Life stinks sometimes.

Brian

Creative Use of Cream Cheese

9/27/2010

Well, after last week's cream cheese log (AKA: The Ivory Turd), I have decided go with a... less daring bet and so today it's Cream Cheese Mints. They kind of remind me of York Peppermint Patties and I'll put the Tupperware in the right hand freezer; right next to the big bag of burritos. Enjoy.

Predicting a huge uptick in demand, I doubled the recipe. That's right; I used 6 tubes. 6 tubes. Sigh... At this rate, Bat-CUCC will be wrapping up about May.

2013.

Yours,

Brian

Assistant Superintendent for Dairy Related Products

9/29/2010

Miracles do happen! I've got my bowl back!!! Thanks to whomever returned in. This is like Christmas, my birthday, and a successful hernia surgery all rolled into one!

This calls for a cream cheese celebration!!!

10/4/2010

Wow! That's good! Who made this?

(Unsolicited Review From Mrs. Williamson) 

It's cream cheese, some blueberry and a Nilla Wafer. What's not to love? Staff Room-left refrigerator.

BAT-CUCC

10/6/2010

BAT CUCC: October 6, 2010

Attending: Brian and a lots of other, really cool folks. Really, too many to list here.

Balance: Uh... About 105 little cream cheese packets. We've gone through about half of the original supply... Less than half really.

(5 Minute Break to finish sobbing.)

Old Business: Well, we made some tarts. That went well and were enjoyed by all.

Boss's Day - October 15th.

Oktoberfest - Oct. 21st. Potato Cream Cheese Salad, Hot Cream Cheese Dogs, Cream Cheese Cookies, and Cream Cheese Sauerkraut will be served. Door Prizes will be given. (Can you guess what???)

New Business: Well, maybe a new recipe?

BAT-CUCC

Motto: You KNOW you like us better then BAT-E

10/8/2010

From C:

On behalf of BAT-E, and all our fans, I say, "HA!"

From J:

Yeah Cindy! Whoa there! Them are fightin' words partner! Just try to remember the name of, much less pronounce BAT-CUCC. See it's not nearly as slick as BAT-E, We should call it BAT-Ez. Besides, we know we're the coolest. Don't be a hater Brian.

Let's just see what happens the next time you need some, ummmm radio batteries. None for you. You'll get some cans and string.

From Brian:

Can’t we all just get along?

Can't we celebrate our differences and acknowledge the fact that we have more unites us than divides us?

That we are a stronger people because of, not despite, our differences??

And can't we all agree that we are both way cooler than BAT-Diversity?? Can I get an Amen?!?

10/12/2010

Well, it started out as Philly Caramel Cheesecake Bars but, due to a mix-up in recipes, it ended up (sort of a) Savannah Cheesecake Cookie.

Rest assured, the intern responsible was fired. BAT-CUCC

10/14/2010

Thrilling Opportunity

Like cool people?

Enjoy showing your wild side?

Love working with sweet, soft, mild-tasting, white cheese, defined by the US Department of Agriculture as containing at least 33% milkfat (as marketed) with a moisture content of not more than 55%, and a pH range of 4.4 to 4.9?

You bet you do! And now is your chance to shine!

Due to the literally* hundreds of requests we've had to join BAT-CUCC, we've decided to have an open enrollment this one time only. Due to our current chef's absence next Monday and Tuesday, you have a perfect opportunity to bake some sort of cream cheese dish this weekend and ensure a spot in this hip new Building Action Team.

Currently, there is one 60-tube pack left in the refrigerator. Plus another 15-20 tubes scattered around. Think big.

And then triple it.

Yours,

BAT-CUCC

*Not literally hundreds

10/26/2010

Okay, so we had to let a few people go after last week's disaster: "The Week Of No Cream Cheese" but now we're back in business. It's cream cheese biscuits. Since B's always pestering me about recipes; here it is: It's a biscuit with cream cheese in it.

Seems a bit on the obvious side but what Mrs. F wants, Mrs. F gets. And to be honest, I did put a bit of bacon in some of them 'cause you know, it's bacon-no explanation needed!

Mentioning Mrs. F reminds me to remind you about BAT-CUCC dues are due. Using advance statistics, game theory and the latest in cutting edge phrenology, we figure we provide at least 1.8% of the  value that BAT-Social does so just put your $.37 in the envelope in my mailbox.

CC Hint of the Week: Why bother with sugary candy? Nothing will make those trick or treaters happier than 1 ounce of cheesy goodness!

Brian

BAT-CUCC

11/8/2010

Uh...…. George Steed was just sure there would be fisticuffs over his delicious cream cheese apple dip. Well, there may be arguments over who eats them but maybe not in the way he envisioned. Enjoy(?)

The important thing is that BAT-CUCC members get to use the Swanky Big Fork to eat the stuff. See? Membership has its privileges! That $.37 is looking like pretty good deal right now, huh?

Building Action Team Creative Uses For Cream Cheese.

11/22/2010

Cream Cheese.

Bagels.

Recipe.

Put the cream cheese on the bagel. Eat.

So that's it. Stick a fork in it; BAT-CUCC's done. Finito. Been a good ride. Mixed feelings? Nope. None whatsoever.

Today (today, today) I consider myself (myself, myself) the luckiest man (man, man) on the face of the Earth (Earth, Earth)…

Because I really hate cream cheese (cheese, cheese)….

(Crowd cheers)

Signing off,

BAT-CUCC

PS I know what you're thinking with Christmas. The answer is no. Don't even think about it.

PPSS / mean it!

3/15/2012

Hello All!

No doubt you all have been wondering where the love was this week. Wienies on a stick are all well and good but what about the soft, mild, milk fat products with a moisture content of not more than 55%? Where are they?

Well, your wait is ov--uh(!) because BAT-CUCC is back in business! For one day only, treat yourself to our delicious Blueberry Cream Cheese Tarts. That's right; a favorite of yesterday has returned. Enjoy. Think of it as a big unskimmed thumbs up from our little BAT.

Brian Hardy

Coordinator/Head Chef/Assistant Superintendent for Dairy Products/Creative Director/Spokesmodel

Building Action Team-Creative Uses for Cream Cheese.

PS: As the only CC staff member who has paid her dues fees to BAT-CUCC, Mrs. B does technically have the right to lick the blueberries off of any and all tarts she fancies. I doubt she will  abuse this privilege.

PPS: That $.37 dues fees is looking like a sweet deal now, isn't it? Bet you're kicking yourself, huh?

Huh??

Fundraiser at Barnes and Noble

5/4/2009

By 4:00, I was having a little trouble keeping the youngsters enthralled.