Disneyland 2023
Summer 2023
Preface
(The trip had an even earlier Bad Omen from a week before the vacation. As you can see, Wendi’s brand new travel sun hat wasn’t really built for a petite woman.)
AND SO THE ADVENTURE BEGINS!
Friday
Ah, you perhaps see the fatal flaw in our vacation plans for this summer.
(We didn't until the very sympathetic concierge pointed it out.)
The Peacock had one night free but are kicking us out at 10:00 AM.
Fortunately, we found an even nicer place nearby with a vacancy. We can even use our Hilton Honors points.
Great for us but it bodes ill for the local economy.
Saturday
Day 1
Well, at least the Anaheim Hilton is much nicer than the Peacock. We Lyfted (“Lyft: Why Not Go With The Slightly Lesser Evil?”) over here at 9:55 and they checked us right in. At an extra $60 Early Check in Fee. Worth it.
After dropping off our bags, we zipped down to the gift shop and bought a big tub of Albino Brand Sun Screen and then went back up stairs and troweled on at least $6’s worth. We did not want our trip ruined by sunburn. I further protected myself by wearing my Coastie hat. (No, Janet, it was more than just a hat.)
And in finest Semper Paratus fashion, I loaded up all 27 of my pockets with more sunscreen, aspirin, Tylenol, glasses cleaner, a mask, Dude wipes, hand sanitizer, my mid-day Rx medications, charging cable and, of course wallet and phone. Pretty sure I could have lasted at least a week without too much difficulty.
Wendi decidedthat Fabulousness was worth the extra risk and so wore her brand new duds.
This is a photo of us (her) on the Mark Twain riverboat. You can see why at least $5 of that sunscreen money was lavished on her.
And she’s well worth it!
One of my few attempts at a selfie occurred right after the above photo. I’m sure you can see Mrs. Hardy’s Great Displeasure at her hubbie’s idea of holding his brand new phone over the railing to get the shot.
I thought thought the phone never really cleared the plane of the railing but am wise enough not argue the point.
For the five-ish hours we were there today, we road the train that goes (went?) all around the park, Winnie the Pooh’s Great Adventure, Haunted Mansion. In addition to the riverboat. The train gave us a reasonable picture of the park’s layout. Wendi wanted to go on the Great Adventure and, well, it was a very short line. HM was one of our “Must Go Ons” and in order to not spend 30+ minutes in line, slowly broiling, we used that day’s Genie+ Fast Pass. Totally worth it.
The Mansion was enjoyable but if we had been forced to wait in the standby line forever, with the Common People, I don’t think we would have enjoyed it as much.
Pretty much every use of the Fast (or Lightning) Pass was like that. The ride was great but No Stinking Way would we have waited 45 minutes for it.
By mid-afternoon, we were feeling a might bit peckish, really sticky, and one of us wanted to use a familiar bathroom so we headed back to our room with the idea that we would regroup/refresh (and poop) and return back to the park when it wasn’t so hot and crowded.
Yeah, once we peeled off our icky clothing, got clean (and again: pooped), Wendi started feeling tired and so we decided to just have a nice dinner here at the hotel and chill. We picked the first restaurant we came to and had some very good burgers. The one downside was that for most of the meal, we were the ONLY diners. It was a bit uncomfortable. Second dinner out in a row with lots of boding.
After dinner, Wendi was too cold to go on so we spent the next hour or so cuddling in bed. Can I balance a checkbook? Not a chance! Can I make cargo shorts and a Star Wars tee-shirt look anything but shlubbly? As if! Will I ever be able to satis-
OKAY! Okay! We get your point! But what I AM good at is being warm. Top 99th percentile in giving off heat so I am an excellent mobile hot water bottle for my usually cold wife. Mrs. Hardy got just warm enough to brave a short tour of the hotel where we discovered the pool, the lanai, what a lanai is, the laundromat, the workout room, several additional eateries, and picked up some makeup remover.
We got big plans for tomorrow but they all start with getting a good nights sleep. I am putting the phone down…now.
Sunday
Day 2: Hitting the Groove
First of all, we slept in. Both of us. It’s amazing what an absence of hungry cats at 6:00 AM will do.
Then, it was a quick trip down to the Starbucks for $30 worth of product. Since we’re using our Hilton points for this trip, we get that amount covered at any of the eateries on the property. I missed this detail our first day here and the loss of that “free” trip to Starbucks will haunt me for decades.
Once caffeinated and dressed, we headed out. One thing of note was that I carried a whole lot less on me this day: couple Dude Wipes, Tylenol, sanitizer, and eye drops. I’m sure this list will continue to pare down each day. We decided to be a lot more strategic about rides today; actually planning out rides to get the most out of our fast passes; which at $35 a day per person, allows holders to go to the front of the line for certain rides. Here’s a rundown of what we managed in a 12 hour period; sticking mostly to Disney’s California Adventure before our break and Disney Land after.
-Ariel’s Undersea Adventure.
It was a very short line. Understandably so.
-Guardians of the Galaxy
This was highly rated by EVERYONE and we used the Fast Pass to skip the 45 minute wait. Granted, we still ended up waiting, maybe twenty minutes. (Wendi and I couldn’t agree on how the Disney Land app calculated wait times: whether it counted from the moment you’re past the gate or from when your ass is actually in the seat.)
Anyway, GotG was a drop type ride where the whole 18 seat section went screaming up and down 3 or 4 times. Something like a 1000 feet* each time.
And it scared the Ever Loving Living (and unliving) Crap out of me. Wendi was not sitting next to me on this one; probably for the best as my crushing all the bones in her right hand and wrist would have been unfortunate.
* (No need for Wendi’s corroboration on that fact. As you can see, I was sitting much closer to the ground.)
-Pixar Pal Around (Swinging)
Okay, this was a Ferris Wheel, with the added delight of the baskets swinging back independently back and forth on their own rails, in addition to rotating like a normal FW. You know what I keep forgetting about Ferris Wheels? That they take friggin’ forever to load and unload. Lotta time in line, watching those baskets flail about. Even more time to watch a Disney employee (Sorry, Disney “Cast Member”) clean up some sort of…effluence out of one of the baskets.
Once we finally got on, the first spin was unnerving. I’m glad I was wearing my dark, wrap-around sunglasses as that meant nobody; especially those young fearless children sitting right across from us, could see my firmly shut eyes.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total (Aaah, it’s not working!!)
At this point, we had been trudging about in the upper 80ish weather for about 3 hours so we decided to head back to the hotel for relief/ recover/reapply.
-Soarin’
We returned to the park about 6:00 or so and our next ride was a flight simulator called (sigh) Soarin’ Around the World. Another use of the fast pass. Despite its grammatical shortcomings, it was a very cool ride: about ten minutes of zooming over various landmarks while sitting in a chair which pivoted and rotated with the POV.
And, it had Smello-Vision!! (Though Disney probably has another, less awesome name for it.)
At this point, we hadn’t eaten anything for about six hours so it was time for dinner. Thanks to an ad lib by RDJr. in the first Avengers movie, Shwarma is now a Marvel related food. We had some. Pretty good.
Having enjoyed our delicious and relatively inexpensive dinner, we went to go see California Adventure’s World of Color Light show. We managed to delete our reservation for the primo viewing sections so had to watch from the sidewalk but it was still mighty impressive.
I was amused to note Disney spent most of the show reminding us of their legacy productions and very little on their pathetic output from the past five years.
-Pirates of Caribbean
Between waiting around for the show to start and actually watching it, the time was about 9:30 and the Disney App was saying that the wait times for just about everything was 15 minutes or less so we boogied back to DL.
So, Pirates. As seen in about 40 movies. Another one of those “Glad We’ve Seen It and Never Have to Again” situations.
-Jungle Cruise
This was one of Wendi’s picks and, again, at 10:30 on a Sunday, the line wasn’t too long. We enjoyed it and this was a case of the dark of night time actually adding to the experience.
It was past 11:00 at this point so, despite the park being open other hour, we decided to stagger back home. Us and 12,000 other attendees. The shuttle delivered us back to the Hilton at nearly midnight and, after quick showers, we collapsed into bed.
A fine if tiring day. Today (I write this Monday morning.) we’re getting a very late start, will take a mid-afternoon siesta, and return to park in the early evening. Again, our goal is to maximize the use of our Lightning Passes. It’s a Small World, Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad are all high on the list. Plus, whatever miscellaneous 5 minute wait activities we happen to come across.
Oh, and a candy apple. I want one of those. It’s been decades.
Wish us luck with #3.
Monday
Day 3
We (I, really) enjoyed our $31.11 of Starbucks food and we got the park about noon. The App wouldn’t allow us to use the Extra Super Swanky Lightning Pass for SW: Rise of Resistance. We worked waaay too long trying and failing to make it work.
-Mr. Lincoln
Yeah, one of the O.G. Disney exhibits. Very patriotic. Honest Abe looked…almost human. At least more so than Gov. Desantis.
-Thunder Mountain Roller Coaster
I faced the danger. A most awesome 3 minutes. And that’s all you really need. (Am I right, girls?!?)
-SW: Rise of the Resistance
This one continued to vex. Finally, found a park information station, where the fresh faced young man tried valiantly to get the %#*£$@ app to work.
No dice. He ended up just pressing a button on his terminal and told us we now had fast passes. On the house.
The ride? Amazing. Disney has finally done something cool with the Star Wars brand.
-Siesta
Though we’d only seen three attractions, we decided to take a break in the late afternoon and so back to the hotel for a quick rinse and room service dinner. The bonus for this plan was that we didn’t need to worry about sun block when we returned to the park at 6:00ish.
-It’s a Small World
Falling hundreds of feet as part of an “amusement” park ride is scary. 15 minutes of endless hordes of spooky dolls screaming the same song at you over and over is unnerving. I was to the breaking point two minutes in.
This experience shall haunt my dreams. Forever.
-Train (again)
Our one final Must Do was the Indiana Jones ride, which remained extremely popular. We kept waiting for either the standby lines to get under 30 minutes or more fast pass slots to open up. (Disney only allows a certain number of FPs per ride per day.) Neither happened so we ended up taking the around the park train again.
-Haunted Mansion (Again)
The line was short (20ish minutes) and Wendi wanted to see it again. Sadly, once we got into the inner foyer, the ride had technical difficulties so we had another 30 minutes of standing around. Actually, about half the original group got tired of waiting and eventually left giving us remainders a lot more elbow room. Not to be denied this opportunity, Wendi practiced her dance steps. I just did my Asian Squat. Less showy, perhaps but impressive in its own way. One of the groups that did leave was a family with maybe a three year old girl. Thank God they did. What the hell were they thinking? I’ll have plenty more to say on the subject of Disney Land Parents, believe it.
Anyway, HM was enjoyable a second time. I’d really like to watch a behind the scenes types video on how they managed those effects.
-Thunder Mountain (again)
Used our final fast pass of the day to ride this a second time. I’ve become such an old pro at it that I actually Loosened My Grip (slightly) on the safety bar during the ride.
I know, right?
At this point, it was 11:00, we knew we weren’t going on Indy’s Big Adventure, and we wanted to get an earlier start the next day so we called it a night.
Tuesday, August 1st
Day 4
At this early time, exactly 25 years ago today, a young Ms. Heath was starting the intricate and laborious process of turning herself into The Most Beautiful Bride.
A young Mr. Hardy was combing his hair.
Neither had any idea how their Flames of Passion would continue to burn bright over the next quarter century.
For this most wonderful celebration of marriage, I have purchased Wendi a new circular saw so at least Mr. Hardy is still PLENTY flamey.
For this final day, we want to do a few more rides, avoid getting burned, eat some actual Amusement Park Treats, and have a nice dinner. Probably by room service.
Wish us luck!
The minute we walked through the gate, we lightning passed a 5:00-6:00 window for Indiana Jones.
-Radiator Springs Speedway.
This is a Cars related ride: basically a very fast roller coaster disguised as a racing game.
And no, Wendi isn’t wearing ears. Those are speakers behind her. Speaking of Mrs. Hardy’s wonderful fashion sense, that Princess Leia hoodie thing is designed for sun protection: very light UV blocking material.
-Siesta
Though we’d only been at DL for a couple of hours, we decided on an early siesta. The sun was starting to get to me. That, coupled with my breakfast of coffee and a mid-late morning World’s Most Sugary Drink meant I was feeling a bit shaky. A couple hours of chilling while watching “Chopped” and a protein bar and I was good to go.
The Anaheim Regional Transit really let us down here. Despite an “every twenty minutes or so” target, we waited at least a half hour before calling a Lyft (Lyft: We’re not THAT bad!)
-Indiana Jones Adventure. Kind of a lame name but a fun ride. For some reason, we were driving a Jeep over very treacherous underground roads.
-Wendi Hardy and the Quest for a Pineapple Swirl. Okay, not really an amusement attraction but more of a “I’ve been seeing those all week and I want one!”
Because I refused to use my phone for an online order, we had to look all over for the Dole Cafe where they have actual humans taking food orders. This journey was filled with thrills, heartache, but ultimate victory. Wendi loved her swirl and I my sundae.
-Pirates of Caribbean (Again)
We were walking by and it had 10 minute standby wait. We went. The only difference this time was we were in the front row of the boat and so got a bit splashed.
Mostly satisfied, we started the long walk to the gate.
And then…
Finally, dreams do come true!
We got back to the room about 9:00ish and ordered a light room service dinner. The only Disney Day Disappointment being Wendi never got her siracha turkey leg. …
On the flight home.
Despite the rocky start, it was a good trip: our first flying vacation since Hawaii in…2017 or ‘18. We feel we got everything we wanted out of our trip to the Magic Kingdom. Will we return? Maybe. Or maybe we’ll pick a more exotic location.
I have a few more afterthoughts on the whole trip in general but this journal is already long enough. Find Disney Pt. 2 on the site if your interested.
No, besides the great turkey leg tragedy, our only other disappointment is that we never figured out what that thing on the bathroom wall is.
Some mysteries are meant to stay…well, mysterious.
This will probably be one of those times.
Home in two hours. No doubt the cats eagerly await our return. And their dinner.
Chow!
B&W
