Disney Afterthoughts
8/3/2023
Here are some things: complaints, observations, and appreciations I’ve noted over the past six days in Disney Land/Southern California.
A) Infants at Disney. Whhhat, the hell? Exactly what is anyone getting out of that kid taking up two square feet of walkway?
B) Cell phones. If you don’t have a reasonably new smartphone, Disney don’t want ya. You use your phone to buy and use your tickets, reserve rides, find your location and they would REALLY rather you did all you food orders that way also. The Disney app will send you reminders and updates. And ask how things might be better for a future visit.
This led to the sight of herds of adults: both sitting and walking, glued to their phones. Though this describes me in too much of my daily life, it was a bit much even for me.
The best (or worst) example of this was guy at the urinal next to me looking at his phone. I realize that past 3 or 4 years of age, the process doesn’t require too much concentration but Come On, Dude.
This reliance on phones to navigate the park led me to coin yet another Mr. Hardy Phrase:
Seeing Eye Spouse.
The husband or wife directing the cellphone navigating spouse through the hordes of traffic via a firm yet loving grip on the arm or shoulder.
C) Family T-Shirts. This was completely new to me. Wherever we went, we’d pass groups of people all wearing matching shirts sporting messages like “Jones Disney Trip 2023!” Or “Disney Birthday Boy 2023” and then shirts like “Birthday Boy’s Dad” or “Older Brother”.
We never really went on vacations as a family; much less went to the same place enough times to require its own one-time use wardrobe. Boggles the mind.
The only theoretical analog for me growing up would be if we all wore matching “Hardy Trip to Goodwill 1978!” shirts.
D) No, seriously. Infants?!?
E) Coasters. This is an Anaheim Hilton issue. All the table/countertops were made of some sort of hard plastic. Probably not a stick a wood in the whole room but it was unnerving to both Wendi and me to leave unsightly puddles of water wherever a glass was put down. Maybe Amazon has a set of travel coasters for the OCD crowd. (We’re not the only ones, right?)
F) Besides D.Land, the other amusement park like place we are familiar with is Las Vegas. Where people dress up. Granted, the Vegas activities are mostly indoors and Disney more outdoors but Wendi felt folks could have gotten out a bit more bling for their trip to the Magic Kingdom.
Basically, we came around to the idea that Disney wants Generic Tourists to visit and so everything is geared towards appealing to all: offending none. Vegas is somewhat the opposite of that.
G) I am so glad that all of American Super Models have a guaranteed second career as LA TV news anchors and meteorologists when they retire in their mid-twenties. About time hot women got a break in this country. On this same, not very enlightened soapbox…
H) Okay, I’ll come out and say it. Ladies, those extremely elongated eyelashes don’t give you an exotic, alluring look. They give you a “Late Fall Caterpillar” look.
I) The Importance of Holding a Good Hand.
So, here are some confessions.
• I am a fast walker.
• I get easily distracted by new and/or novel places or things.
• I think nothing of, at the spur of the moment, going over to investigate said new and/or novel places or things.
• I often have little awareness of where my body is in space: especially in new and/or novel places or things.
• Mrs. Hardy is none of the above.
• And finally, my elbows are right about nose height for Mrs. Hardy.
This attention to all things NOT in front of me can lead to amusing little interactions all the time.
“Oh, you see the boats on the ride there? They don’t have any internal propulsion but depend on the water current to move forward.”
“Watch the curb, dear.”
You can probably predict what Wendi laid down The Law over on Day 1. We would make a plan for the day. We would stop and sit down when consulting our phones. We would walk at a Wendi pace. And most of all, we would hold hands while traveling.
On one hand, you could look at that last stipulation as simply the married version of the toddler harnesses you sometimes see.
Also, when you’re a very petite woman going through crowds, having a Toweringly Tall Man (like me) nearby probably adds a bit of comfort.
But now I have a different take. Holding onto Wendi’s hand allowed me to know where SHE was. That, in turn, allowed me to know where I was. At a near-unconscious level, I was subtly orienting myself based on her. She is here, going in this direction, and at this speed. I should redirect my course to match hers.
In other words, Mrs. Hardy was, is, and (Lord Willing) shall continue to be my North Star. A fixed reference point allowing me to course correct as needed.
Find a hand, folks, and hold on firmly.