Alaskan Saga 2019 - Part 3
8/1/2019
Somewhere In the North Pacific.
7:02 AM
Dear Long-Suffering Readers,
I'm afraid our 21st anniversary hasn't gotten off to a rip-roaring start. I thought it would be a nice treat to have breakfast delivered and so last night filled out the little card and hung it on the doorknob. On that little card, I very distinctly checked the spot for a 7:30-8:00 delivery.
Granted, a person might wonder how an emphatic check mark differs from your run of the mill type but such a person has never dealt with a wife awakened before 7:00. I am NOT such a person and so was looking forward to a leisurely post-7:30 breakfast Sadly, it was not to be. Maybe we sailed into yet another time zone; one that moved the clock forward 45 minutes.
Regardless, I'm boned. I quietly type this on the couch, tying not to bump the dishes of fruit and cornflakes, in the darkened cabin, whilst My Beloved pretends to be asleep, awaiting her chance to scare the crap out of me with her Samara from "The Ring" trick again.
Sigh. Best laid plans of moronic men oft go awry.
….
So, what else has gone on in the past day and a half? While I was in the Atrium typing up the last log entry, Wendi was at an Art Auction looking at some gorgeous paintings that she really wanted to bid on. (Un?)Fortunately, she didn't feel she could spend thousands of dollars on art without her spouse's agreement. I looked real chagrined when she told me this later that evening.
After rendezvousing for some exciting Bingo losses, we went to the spa for a facial. Uh, facials-plural. That would have been awkward.
It was very pleasant. Hehe, (yes, that was her name) my...facialogist(?) claimed to not believe she was looking at a 51 year old face. Late 30s at the most. Who am I to argue?
Nonetheless, she worked for nearly an hour to erase the ravages of time. You can just the results for yourself.
Hardy's Dermatological Constant: All faces look mighty gross in extreme close up.
The newly youthful Mr. and Mrs. Hardy then did some shopping.
Wendi had had her eyes on an inexpensive pair of binoculars for a couple of days and we decided to buy them. T, the salesman, tried to explain to us dullards the many scientific benefits of his other, much more expensive binoculars. This was the first time I've seen Wendi get mad at somebody (not her husband) on the trip.
She wasn't interested in the small $80 pair because of the price (we still being Bingo-Rich at this point) but because they were small enough for her tiny Asian head. The other models were simply too wide set for her not wide set eyes.
Huh. Never noticed that before. Guess I'm just all about loving her beautiful soul. (First-rate cleavage is nice, also.)
Not sure T ever did get Wendi's point but he dutifully took our duty-free money and we moved on.
Yesterday was spent in the nice little town of Skagway. Actually, it was mostly not spent there but on a rickety-ass old train going up to and returning from the White Pass. (Of Klondike Gold Rush Game.) Glad I wasn't a gold prospector 125-some years back. This life sounds awful.
We did see some mighty gorgeous country and even passed into Canada for about 15 minutes. Since the train didn't stop during this time, passports or enhanced driver’s licenses weren't required.
Between us, we took about 1,000 photos, a few of which might look pretty good once we get the prints back from the PhotoMat.
Just kidding. We go to Costco.
(The Wife continues her excellent sleeping act it but I'm not falling for it. You see, she's making one fatal flaw. The person 3 feet to my left is pretending to snore and, as I have been reminded countless times, Mrs. Hardy doesn't snore. THEREFORE, she can't be sleeping. Therefore-ACT!!
Q.E.D.
Back to Skagway.)
We had an hourish left in town before the ship set sail so Wendi did some speedy shopping and I did some being agreeable. Once again, the shops were strewn with gemstones, jewelry, and knives.
One particular piece caught her eye. "Look at that beautiful silver starfish pendant!" exclaimed Mrs. Hardy.
"You mean that SEA STAR pendant?" replied Mr. Hardy's idiot mouth before his panicking brain could stop it.
I heartily agreed she SHOULD buy that sapphire a little while later.
My temporal awareness on board is hinky but let me jump back to yesterday's breakfast. After the Skagway Fiasco, we made sure to eat what we laughingly called a light breakfast. It's only "light" in the sense you can still see parts of the plate underneath.
What you don't see are the colonoscopy verboten foods: seeds, nuts, whole wheat bread, tomatoes, strawberries, red foods, foods with an "L" in it, etc. That's because I am hoping to push my end of August procedure to, say early August. So, on standby hoping for a cancellation.
Anyway, as I was tucking into waffles, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and whole milk, I had a vision of my near future.
-Brian slowly comes to after the procedure. Brian: So Doctor, how'd the procedure go?
Doctor Nikamor: You were recently on cruise, weren't you?
Brian: Um, yeah. Why do you asked?
Doctor: Oh, no reason...... (Surreptitiously write "Cruise Colon" on my chart.)
End scene-
Yeah, I'm unsure whether this upcoming procedure will be my chance at a "clean sweep” OR an opportunity for the medical staff to have a good time playing "Is that really a waffle?" while watching the video.
Okay, time to see if this email will actually send with this crappy-ass data plan. Wish me luck.
Salty Brian
P.S. My €%#*ing phone and watch were still on Juneau time. Yep, I'm that dumb....