Alaskan Saga 2019 - Part 2
7/30/2019
6:37 AM
Wendi's still sleeping so the TV is staying off for now. Using my long dormant maritime skills, (AKA: looking out the window) I'd say we're currently just tying up at Juneau.
Speed: 0 nautical miles per hour. Distance to Next Port: Maybe 3 feet?
Let's see, what thrilling happenings have happened in the last two days? Our day at sea (Sunday) was nice and relaxing. Wendi and I got a nice couples massage. Well, the massage part was nice; the afterwards up-selling is getting tiresome. I think I'll claim complete and utter health before any future spa visits in an attempt to head off future hard sells.
Or I could just write down something ridiculous on the intake form like "too much dark humors”
Let's see what their expensive solution to that would be.
The high point afterwards was Wendi winning $600 at the slot machine. Yeah!
And me losing maybe $50ish; $2 at a time,
Trying.
To.
Maneuver. That.
%#!.
Key.
Into.
That.
^%#¥!.
Slot.
And coming so close each time. Think the "Claw" vending machines but with $100 bills instead of stuffed animals.
Pulled into Ketchikan the next morning. It was lovely... uh... Lovely adjacent. We purchased some nice trinkets. We're buying something for Xander at each stop. Trying our lamest to avoid him singing any Harry Chapin at our 50th anniversary party.
Wendi bought a very nice raincoat though as yet, it's been unneeded.
She also purchased a nice hat. Quite warm and if she were to
EVER get a gray hair, this chapeau would camouflage it nicely.
Speaking to the seller of said nice hat, he told us that the town had about 8,100 inhabitants but with 4 cruise ships in port, the town's population was easily double that. Just a whole lot of folks wandering around; getting amazing deals on furs, knives, gemstones, and knives.
Speaking of, I was a little confused how store after store could
offer the same "Unique Alaskan Crafts". Maybe they have a different definition of that word.
One thing that was a breath of fresh air was how many furriers there were. Don't get me wrong. I have NO interest in wearing a dead animal but.... It's refreshing to see an entire state giving PETA The Finger.
One slight hiccup was that we didn't bother eating breakfast beforehand and so were a might bit peckish upon returning to the boat. And not "cruise ship hunger" as defined by going longer than 45 minutes without visiting the all-you-can-(but really shouldn't)-eat buffet.
No, my total caloric intake thus far consisted of some black licorice (The candy you won't have to share!) with Wendi having not even that. So returning to the ship, we, and about 1,000 other cruisers made a be-line for the buffet. It was packed.
Since I'm a "This looks edible. Gimme some!" diner and Wendi refuses to settle for anything less than perfection (Exhibit 1: Her Hubby), I grabbed a seat quickly while the wife continued her quest for culinary bliss. However, about 2 minutes into my meal, a young... Chinese(?) boy was ordered to sit across from me by his grandmother(?).
I didn't understand the semantics of their conversation, but the meaning was crystal clear; that kid didn't want to sit next to the scary white guy behind the mound of food and that elderly lady didn't give a shit; he was to sit down and eat!
Okay, I had planned on sitting across from my beautiful wife and not an angry boy slurping soup but... it seemed rude to start making "go away" gestures but nearly as rude to just pick up and leave so he and I determinedly ignored each other while wolfing down our chow. He won that race.
My wife was initially annoyed when I found her but was mollified when I explained it was a mystery kid’s fault.
After that, we decided to just embrace our middle-aged cruise ship-ness and go do bingo. (Pause for vicious cat-calls from the hipster readers to die down.)
And to all you naysayers out there, (yes, Becky, I'm looking at you!) let me just explain that I ended up winning $120 dollars. The realization that we initially spent about $65 for the Bingo Card took a bit of the shine off the triumph. The further realization that Wendi's net was 10x that amount for just pushing a button on the slot machine removed still more of that shine.
Wendi and I just chilled in the room. She played on her iPad and I watched TV and the islands go by. It was slightly stunning, in a good way. I wasn't keeping an eagle-eyed vigil but didn't see any signs of human habitation FOR HOURS. Where else you going to experience this in America? The maybe 5-acre Puget Sound islet which would have 2 or 3 million dollar houses on it isn't even worth a name on the Alaskan Panhandle map. This is cool.
Last night, it was room service and a movie. (Peanut Butter and Jelly/Potato Chips off the Kids Menu and Ant Man and the Wasp.)
10:39 PM
Today (the 30th), we wandered around Juneau. It's amazing what passes for a state capital these days. Felt like we walked all of downtown in just a couple of hours. Would've made even better time had not Wendi felt compelled to stop at just about all the jewelry shops. Boy, they love their tanzanite here. They must grow it or something. Here's our Tally.
Juneau Excursion Haul Xander: Alaskan Knife-$120
Bear Claw Necklace-$70 Wendi: Topaz Pendant-$200
Me: Coffee Mug- $18
But I also got two beers at the Red Dog Saloon so I'm satisfied.
Yeah, Dad ordered us to go so we went. Nice place. The floor of sawdust and hundreds of signed dollars stapled to the wall really added to the ambiance. The waitresses wore uniforms which can only be described as...uh.... bosomy. No problem there but the one waiter's uniform just seemed to be wearing suspenders with his street clothes. Suspenders that he wore with a belt.
Let me repeat that: a person in an Official Culinary Position of Authority, in the presence of women and children, chose to wear both a belt and suspenders! This may be Alaska but last I checked, we're still in America.
Sorry to end on such down note but it's already waaay too long and I can hardly keep my eyes open. Can we just all pretend I took the time to revise and edit? Thanks, you're too kind.
Adios Mr. B.