Xander's Excellent Adventure - Las Vegas

7/12/2011

Author's Note: This is a long, rambling, barely coherent description our recent (6/30-7/4) trip to Las Vegas. For those of you with better things to do, here is a brief synopsis; we went, had fun, and returned.

Those with time to kill, let the show begin.

-Friday-Late Afternoon-

It's late afternoon Las Vegas time. We have been here just over 24 hours. We Hardys are taking a break. Wendi is in the

bedroom trying (most likely in vain) to take a nap. Xander is out with me in the living room listening to the audiobook, "Return to Hooowliday Inn" and, what's that I see? Ah, yes! He has the beginnings of a fort. Who had hour 26 in the pool? I should be takin a nap (I mean, it's not like I'll ever see 42 again.) But naps and I don't really mix so it's writing you all instead.

D and V, friends from Colorado who are staying with us a few days, are out galivanting around town. We’re all meeting at the Venetian to see the Blue Man Group tonight in about an hour.

Maybe just 10 minutes of sleep. Wish me luck.

Okay, I actually did fall asleep for well over 10 minutes, the result of which meant that Xander, Wendi and I had to semi­ sprint to the Venetian, where the ever-patient (or at least good at faking it) D&V awaited us.

Wendi and I watched this show back in the early aughts but we did not have a 7 year old with us at the time. Xander spent most of the show with his mouth open and commenting on the action. WE spent most of the show asking him what he thought of the show and telling him to stop kicking the seat in front of him. His verdict?

"It was okay."

"OKAY?"

Time for him to work on synonyms!

A fun bit happened before the show. We were sitting in the auditorium waiting for the show to begin and there was a billboard flashing humorous messages to audience members. Well, one of them said, "…Seems Wendi Hardy is

suffering from a headache...… Can we help her get relief?" (Much cheering from all.)

She (well, everyone in the theatre) was then instructed to imagine the headache as a cow and then chopping the cow up and handing the headache-cow bits to all her friends. "Now, don't you feel better, Wendi?"

For the record, she was not suffering from any sort of ailment before the show. AFTER the show...… ?

Finally, when her name first popped up, she turned to me and asked if this was my doing. A better man, husband and father would have lied right then and there AND been able to pull off. (In the 1.19 seconds before answering, I realized I was the 2nd part that would trip me up.)

Last note on Blue Man. (No, really!) Do NOT ask to be seated after the show starts. Unless you are a glutton for punishment.

Okay, we men are going out to a carnivore’s lunch so I'd best get going. Actually, Wendi and V long ago demanded a girls' day out so we abandoned boys are going to hit the town. Our own Two and a Half Men without the laughtrack and much more eating.

Chow!

-Late Saturday Night-

Wendi is in the bedroom reading with Xander: "Wiley and Grandpa's Creature Feature". It's a very irreverent series of chapter books and Xander loves them. D and V are just getting back from seeing "Mystere"; one of the 142 different Cirque du Soleil shows in production here.

-Slightly Later-

Wendi is asleep and Xander is watching his new Mack King DVD. Mack King was the magician Xander and I saw this afternoon. Blue Man may have a laser show, a huge million dollar stage and guys with blue heads but Mack pulled goldfish out of his mouth and fig newtons out of his fly. It was no contest. Xander now wants to learn magic so his one purchase for the day was The Lunchbox O' Magic.

Truth be told, Mack's show was awesome for the 40ish set also. Highly recommended. I recently read a book on magic and Mr. King figured prominently in it so I figured I'd see through all of his tricks. Or at least a few. One. Just one would have been nice but the man is a Master. And he was pretty darn nice to us after the show. Xander could have worse role models.

As of today, I have gambled a whopping $1.25. That's even less than my usual but my initial foray Thursday night put The

fear of God into me. Xander and I were walking through the Las Vegas Hilton on our way back to the Hilton Grand Vacation Condominiums. All that night, Xander was begging, pleading and conniving to play one of the 1,209 slot machines we passed by. Minors are allowed to walk through a gaming area but not linger. I explained that the fine folks at the Nevada Gaming Commission frowned upon 7-year olds gambling. (Stupid, Freedom-Hating Politicians!) So my son changed  tactics by asking if he could just watch ME play one of the sparkly, shiny, ringing machines. Just One Time. Puh-lease?!? Against my better judgement, I told him to kind of keep walking slowly as I very quickly put ONE quarter into A Lord of the  Rings Slot Machine.

Out Of Nowhere, this kindly old security guard materializes beside me to tell me, in a very disappointed voice, that that child can NOT be here. And then he probably went to sell the security tape to "America's Lamest Dads".

Xander, of course, did not choose to fess up his culpability at that time. Way to throw the Old Man overboard, son.

So, my taste for gambling has dwindled a bit as I am sure the kindly old guard (I think of him as Saruman with Mace.) is lurking about, ready to bust me for the slightest infraction. Safer to spend my time at all these lovely LV buffets.

More later. Must sleep.

Adios.

Happy 4th of July!

My alarm isn't going off for another 30 minutes so maybe I can finish this turkey. Thanks for sticking with it this far.

Our flight leaves at 11ish so we have 4 hours to officially wake up, get packed, straighten up the place slightly (I know, I know but Wendi can't help herself.) and get through airport security. As today is a holiday, I'm going to go out on a limb and predict there won't be a huge amount of traffic. Just us crazy goof-balls trying to save on airfare. It'll be good to be home.

Especially as we Washingtonians are familiar with/prepared for this thing called 'rain'.

We Hardys spent most of the day (after saying a fond farewell to D and V) tramping about the south end of the strip: MGM, Excalibur, Luxor and Mandalay Bay. Xander was not as impressed with the giant pyramid that is the Luxor but he sure liked the tiny stuffed animal he won at the Excalibur video game arcade. Sigh.

Early evening, we started heading home via the monorail, getting on at the MGM terminal. This stop is the southern end of line and Hilton is at at the northern end: about a 12 minute trip normally. As we walked out to get onto the tram and could finally see, you know, the outside, we realized that the sunny, bright day had been replaced with rain. Not just rain but a deluge with loads of thunder and lightning thrown in.

Well, I guess the Las Vegas Monorail isn't really designed to handle such outlandish occurrences because it took this opportunity to stop working. Not completely as that would have forced us to suck it up and get a taxi. (Or at this point, one of the Venetian's gondolas would've worked better.)

No, our initial trip included zipping right passed the Bally's stop and then coming to a rather shuddering stop at the Flamingo. Then reversing back to the MGM. A lot of trips forward and then back to the MGM. And the Monorail cars getting more and more crowded with impatient people whose yard-long drinks were running dry. An unfun situation.

All in all, it took us over an hour to get back. We weren't in any huge hurry ourselves; no shows to get to so we were only slightly inconvenienced. (And buying that Yard AND A HALF long drink was looking pure genius at that point.)

The only saving graces were that we saw some amazing lightning and by the time we reached the Hilton, the rain had just about ceased. And it got below 100 degrees for a short period. Small favors.

Much Later. Alaskan Airlines Flight 601 Seat 26A

Ah... Homeward Bound. This flight seems to consist mainly of foreign tourists who are somewhat confused by the "seating arrangement" thing. And staying in your seat in general. We'll survived but it is a very full flight. So full that the Hardy Family isn't sitting together. Row 26 seats E,D and A. The two Taiwanese ladies sitting next two are very nice and they offered me a cookie. Xander looks very sad that he is not sitting by the window. Wendi looks very ready to strangle him.

When I asked her if she wanted to sit by herself or with him...there was a bit of long pause. Cramped next to some potential loud-mouthed, smelly dude for 2+ hours or next to her pride and joy. Hmmmm.

This being Xander's first plane trip/vacation, I would say that he did okay. He would have been left behind in Las Vegas if we hadn't brought the books, audiobooks and DVDs. They gave us some time somewhat to ourselves. (And I am sure D and V just loved watching all those "River Monster" episodes.)

This town is basically designed to overload the the senses and Xander's filters are not well developed. EVERYTHING is worthy of attention except, perhaps the pedestrian he just bumped into. Or his parents' command to "Slow Down!"

By the final day, he had learned to wait a moment when the elevator doors opened to see if anyone was exiting. Then he would leap in.

Xander never quite let go of his fear of stepping on "the crack" so he usually had a herky-jerky motion while walking in the casinos. And occasionally he felt like doing a little sande as we walked. (And we did a ton of walking every day.)  This was his response to whatever music was blasting at us but I fear my covert attempts to video him never captured the magic. Just use  your imagination.

In terms of how we old farts did, that's hard to say. Clearly, bringing a wee one changes any vacation. Would another place have been different? Hard to say.

The HGV Condos gave us a quiet, out of the way home base. We really expected Xander to spend more time swimming but on day one, he saw a dead bee floating the water. Swimming lost its charm after that.

Get this, in Las Vegas, they put their pools On the Outside! Weird...

I suspect he would have done slightly better had we gone with our initial plan of a week in San Diego. (It was all booked up by the time we attempted to make reservations.) but who knows? I heard they keep the San Diego Beach outside so Xander may have come across another dead bee or who knows what. A whole ocean-closed.

If (when) we all return, Xander MIGHT be more willing to walk with us instead of ahead of us. May give the bee pool another chance. Hope so.

No matter where we go, however, he WILL be required to wear that bright yellow, easily spotted hat. At least another few years. 20, say.

Anything else? Having a camera on you at all times is good but not great. I actually had two on me pretty much all the time (cell phone and iPod Touch) but two barely adequate cameras does not equal a good camera. (Re: Xander's happy dances.)

Finally, cucumber water. I know! WTH, right?!? It's sliced cucumbers in ice water. Despite my dislike for the vegetable, I always stopped by the cravat* in the lobby of the Hilton for a few glasses. Couldn't get enough of it. Magic of Sin City, I guess.

We seem to be descending towards Sea-Tac so I really had better finish this turkey up. It'll go into the Internet Tubes when we get home.

Again, thanks for reading this far. Hope you enjoyed it.

Adios, amigos!

B.

(*Is that the right word for a crystal jug for serving water? Or is that what swanky guys wear around their necks?)