Hawaii 2015
7/2015
Greetings From Our Final State!
(Or, as the delightful natives keep telling us, mai'a!. This really is a wonderful place. Thought I would jot down a few notes while it's all (relatively) fresh in the brain.
The verb tenses will hop around a bit as I start and stop writing throughout the week. It's Hawaii. Just go with it. 🌴
Probably won't hit "send" till we get home since our photos are on 3 different cameras: my point and shoot with the best zoom, Xander's waterproof camera, and my iPhone 6+, which I always have with me. Pretty sure I used to laugh at tourists like me, growing up in Winthrop.
Ah well, as the natives would say, 'ai kukae a make.)
We are coming to the end of our summer Hawaiian vacation. We leave tomorrow. 😞 So what have we been up to? Lots.
Our flight went well. We ended up with a layover on Maui. Only an hour but it made the long trip just that much longer. Since the long portion of the flight was on a plane with outlets at every seat we were able to keep all devices fully charged the whole way. Dodged a bullet there.
Arriving at the Kona Airport, Xander had a first ever experience: having his luggage lost. (Boo!) I filled out the forms and the airline promised to call us as soon as possible. Meanwhile, Young Master Hardy was stuck living with whatever items were in his carry on, which consisted mostly of books, DVDs and money. And a bag of airplane cookies. Time to put those finely honed survival skills to work, son!
From there we trudged to the car rental place to pick up our 2015 Nissan Pathfinder. Lux-sure-ee! We Hardys took up less than half the seating available on that monster.
Getting to the Bay Club, we found the condo to be in the same basic location as our 2012 spot. The only difference being that we are up on the 2nd floor and our son has his own room (with extra bed in case he.... I have no idea.) Further, he probably would have happily slept on the living room fold out bed in order to watch Scooby Dr. Who Doo DVDs had we let him.
By this time, it was only late afternoon local time but we were like, on 2 AM Wednesday of next week time (Still a bit fuzzy on how time zones work.) So we unpacked, had dinner and crashed. Uh, make that slept.
Monday began with a call from the airline saying that Xander's bag was definitely somewhere. They planned to keep looking and said we would be reimbursed for any reasonable items urgently needed. Well, the boy didn't feel underwear or socks were urgently needed but the old folks did. Off to the much loved Hawaiian institution known as "Target".
While the wife and son went over the intricate details of small clothes and swim trunks, I started downloading Hawaii-related podcasts. This was too easy to do and so I blew through half my monthly data in about 45 minutes. This made me extremely paranoid about going over my limit for the remainder of the trip
That PM, we went to Hapuna Beach to go get pummeled by the waves. Good fun though X-man complained later of the sand scouring irritating his nether-regions. More importantly, we managed to stay sun-burn free. Would that this were always the case.
(Author's note: This is an example of the literary device known as foreshadowing.)
My health concerns were finding sand everywhere (and I mean everywhere); even after a vigorous shower along with having sea water start dripping out of my nose at random times for hours afterward. Not to go into too much detail but this condition (well, conditions) made our romantic evening, well, a bit less romantic than originally hoped.
Nearly as important as as our continued health was the fact the the luggage had been found (it had been left at Sea-Tac) and delivered to our resort! Whoo-hoo!
Tuesday, Xander and I took the long drive to Volcano National Park. We were on the road for a total of about 5 hours round trip. Lots of driving but we saw the caldera of Mona Lau (AKA ule malule in the local vernacular), sulfur vents and a huge lava cave. Sadly, the weather was a bit cloudy/drizzly but that's life.
Wendi took the opportunity to engage in this "relaxation" concept I've heard rumors of. Seems the presence of a Hardy Man inhibits this foreign activity.
That evening, we ate Japanese food and did some swimming at the resort pool.
Wednesday morning, we went snorkeling with Dolphin Discoveries. Due to the marina being way far away, we showed up about 30 minutes late. I fully expected us to get there just in time to see a dot on the horizon but, thanks to my wife's back and forth over the phone, we made it.
The important thing is that Mr. and Mrs. Hardy remained calm and affectionate during this entire drive.
Yep, that would have been real nice.
And, once there, we had a blast. We snorkeled at two different locations and saw some dolphins frolicking about, some more lava tubes and the spot where Captain Cook met his gruesome end. Good family fun.
However, despite our liberal and repeated use of waterproof SPF 30, our thighs and shoulders got a bit red on the boat ride back. Not terrible but not great either.
After returning to the condo and getting clean and dry, we decided to do some shopping in the delightful little village (or muli pala kukae) of Kona. We had been there back in 2012 and Wendi remembered a few delightful shops she wanted to revisit. I remembered I nearly lost our $300 snorkeling fee just that morning and so was delighted to go shopping for dresses and jewelry.
Once we got there, we encountered a fellow selling photographs with his three very large parrots.
An actual photograph.
On paper.
It was too good an opportunity to pass. Afterwards, I took an iPhone snapshot of the photo. Here it is in 3 parts.
A) Colorful Dad avec beautiful bird
B) Same colorful dad. 2 beautiful birds.
3) I am about to lose my left arm.
And 1.4 seconds after this was taken, his bird did start squawking and flapping its wings energetically. This in turn made Xander start moving his (much loved) left arm about in an effort to be free of this FEATHERED DEMON STRAIGHT FROM THE PITS OF HELL!!
Knowing well it was not wanted, the bird flew across the street.
We paid $20 for said pic. We would have gladly paid 2 or 3 times for the HD movie of experience.
So Alexander got some tiny scratches on his arm, we all got a nice 8"x12" photo and Wendi and I got another delightful "Xander's Not a Bird Person" story to tell for decades.
It all seem to start with the Woodland Park Zoo's Vicious Raptor Feed Room...
Anyhoo, we did some delightful shopping and ended up at a nice restaurant where Ms. Wendi ended up getting her usual vitamin-packed health drink.
After that, the two of them got some pearls. $15 each for two lovely ones; they even got to pick out the oyster.
Thursday morning, we couldn't decide what to do. Xander really loves playing in the waves so he was pulling for the beach; in spite of all that sand and his slight sunburn. Where they don't have much of either? The Seahorse Museum, which was only 20 minutes (read 45-60) down the road. That was my vote.
My beloved came up with an intriguing 3rd option as well. We had earlier eaten breakfast out on the huge deck. Mid-way through, little birds started landing somewhat nearby looking for crumbs. Well, we Hardy Men are simple folk and so we started throwing goldfish for them to eat. (The cracker kind) Well, pretty soon, we all were back inside, watching the couple dozen or so creatures enjoying their meal. So Wendi says we can either go swimming (possible worst sunburn and package scouring), go look at sea horses ($95 minimum to get in) OR we could get a box, a stick, a string, some more crackers and spend the day trying to catch birds.
Granted, The Hawaiian Department of Protecting Our Endangered Wildlife From Dumb-Assed Haoles would probably take dim view of such entertainment but they would have to catch us first.
Maybe they would use a really big box.
But, we ended up going swimming back at Hapuna Beach. Mistake. Despite going up to SPF 50, all of us managed to get further burned. Sigh. Guess we should go with SPF Spackle next time. Or just wear burkas.
Well, we gingerly made it back to the condo and delicately showered off. (Fortunately, it has two showers and two baths so there was no waiting.) Then it was into the loosest fitting clothes we could find. And then tried not to move.
Shoulda/woulda/coulda on that box and stick plan...
Our final dinner was at the sight of our first dinner: Three Fat Pigs. We didn't want to risk a bad ending to a crummy day.
Today, was mostly about rushing around. We had a long lay over in Honolulu which stunk; even more so since we ended up waiting at the wrong gate and had to jog last minute to the correct one. Not saying whose cock-up that was but I will say it wasn't me.
Our next trip here; sometime in the next two or three years hence, will probably require another family to join us since my attempt at relaxation only seems to aggravate my wife. For some reason, my "Will you hurry it up; we've got to start relaxing!" attitude always had the opposite affect. Weird.
Well, this has gone on long enough. Were I less lazy, I would break up into episodes giving each catchy names like "You Lost My Sack?" or "Sandblasting To Cleanliness" but I do these things for future generations' sake. You all are just (un)lucky bystanders. Memory isn't something I take for granted in my family.
I like to think my descendants will find these records somewhat amusing and probably the cause of much future arguing. Were you really always terrified of birds, dad? Was Granny Wendi ever right about anything?
And to paraphrase Mr. Churchill, "Family history will be kind to me because I am the one writing it."
And with that, I bid you adios!
Brian
Ma'i laula
Post Script
At the risk of trying your patience just a bit more, here are a few Hawaii factoids I learned this trip. You might find them of interest.
* There is only one native land dwelling mammal in the Hawaiian Islands and that one barely counts as "land dwelling": the hoary bat. The monk seal is the other indigenous mammal.
* The street lights (on the Big Island, at least) are the exact same shade of yellow as the traffic lights. This might explain the very lackadaisical driving habits of most drivers around here. Everybody expects a red light at any moment.
* The small plot of land under the Captain Cook Memorial was given to the British Empire by the Hawaiian Government before joining the U.S. Therefore, this 200-some square feet is part of the United Kingdom. Please share this with all your conspiracy nut friends if you want to watch them get the vapors.
*According to state law, all parts of the state not officially claimed by a city or county is part of the state capital of Honolulu. With the state spreading over such a huge portion of the Pacific, this makes the city over 1,500 miles long and thus, the largest city in the world.
* If you see a "Caution: Donkey Crossing" sign on a highway, don't get your hopes up. You might see goats but the donkey part is damned lie.