Best Laid Plans

7/4/2008

Yesterday, June 29th, 2008, for the first time, Alexander Hardy went to a movie: Pixar’s Wall-E. I figure it was a sure bet. Pixar? Rated G movie? Air conditioned theater? Who wouldn’t be fascinated by the adventures of a plucky little robot trapped in a dystopian Earth, 700 years into the future?

(Just for the curious, Wendi’s first movie going experience was with Bambi and mine was Blazing Saddles. One of us clearly married up but I still don’t know who.)

So, it was a packed house, with LOTS of kids. Seems I wasn’t the only one with a brilliant idea yesterday.

T-Minus 9 Minutes to Show Time

Daddy, is this the movie?

No son. These are commercials for Nickeldeon.

T-Minus 6 Minutes to Show Time

Is it over? Can we go home?

No dear, now the commercials are over.

T-Minus 2 Minutes to Show Time.

Was that it? Is it over?

No, that was the short movie they show before the main attraction.

Start of Movie +3 Minutes

What’s the robot doing? Where are the people? What’s that bug?

Shhhhh. I don’t know. Watch the movie.

Start of Movie +11 Minutes

It’s loud. Can we go? What is that robot doing?

I. Don’t. Know. Shhhhh!

Start of Movie +24 Minutes

I’m scared. What’s that guy doing? Can I have popcorn?

Shhh! He’s the space ship captain. Yes, you can. Later.

The next 60-some minutes saw our little boy cringing in fear, asking to leave, asking for lots of popcorn, asking numerous questions about the movie and finally, crying. These same 60 minutes saw my darling wife suggest we leave and glaring at me.

(I found out on the way home that her absolutely least favorite movies are those with dystopian Earths. What were the odds?!?)

Well, I enjoyed the move, if not the ride home. It took lots of ice cream to sooth everyone’s nerves.

Another childhood experience turned traumatic. First, there was the bird feeding house at Woodland Park Zoo. Then the Butterfly House, again at WP Zoo.

At least hiring all those clowns for his 5th birthday party next month is sure to be hit!

Sigh,

B.

But son, you are not alone,

In proving foresight may be vain;

The best laid plans of mice and dads,

Go often askew,

And leave us nothing but grief and pain,

For promised joy.