2020 Texts Part One
The early plague years: January to March of 2020
This is a record of some of my texts to friends (mostly teacher-types) and family during the first half of 2020. It starts with stunningly bad prediction for the year and ends with my near death experience. Because of the slightly scattershot nature of text conversations, nearly all the texts are mine but for the purpose of clarity, I have included a few of theirs in boldface.
(And my “friends” amusement at said experience.)
Obviously, once March rolls around, the subject of the texts drift towards Covid and all the fun new experiences and concerns that came with.
Curtain Opens On A New Year……………
(Honest to goodness, this was my first text of 2020; a reply to well-wishes for the new year.)
Jan. 1st 10:37 AM
Sig and I wish you a very happy 2020!
Yeah, we’re really planning on 2020 being a step up from ‘19. Which SUUH-uuh-ucked.
See what you can do about that, eh?
(Author’s Note: File the Above Under “Dramatic Irony”.)
Jan 17th
Pretty sure this just isn't something I'm interested in watching.
Ever.
Jan.18th
On the Infirm Ancestors Beat, the old man’s going home from the hospital soon after a day of being treated for near-fatal constipation. Quite a scare there.
What a way to go.
...
(So to speak.)
...
Honestly, it’s impossible to describe the situation without it seeming like a wise crack.
...
(See what I mean?)
...
Thank you! Thank you!!
You’ve been a great audience!
I’ll be here all my life!
Good night, everybody!!
...
...
Seriously, I could just keep squeezing these jokes out all day.
Must.
Stop.
Bad.
Pun-age
Mar. 11th
JB, not to be alarmist but have you folks considered flying home early?
Never crossed my mind
(Below sent to B this AM to try to cheer her up.)
Dear Sad B,
Our Beloved Leader wasn’t completely clear in his remarks last night. (Shock!)
Looks like you could still to travel TO Europe.
Getting back though....
Hmmmm.. Sounds like the set up for a Lifetime movie of the week:
“A young American traveler finds herself forced to remain in romantic Spain for an extended stay.
No demanding family.
No humdrum job.
Big slobbering dog 3,000 miles away.
What shall she do?!?”
The Hallmark Channel and “Ultrathins: The Bathroom Tissue That Will Last Twice As Long” is proud to present one of the following!
Trapped in Barcelona
Catalonia Confinement
Iberian Love Prison
(Okay, that last one might be less Lifetime and more uh, “other” premium cable channels.)
Should probably get to work.
P.S. R, still monitoring the Mexican Beach Situation. So far, your Vaca looks a go!
Mar. 12th
Back to FL next month? Have you been following the news?
No I’m returning from FL on 26th. Supposed to go to Mexico mid April but that’s not looking good for the home team.
District just pulled the plug on school till April 24th. 😟
Girl, you really might want to get back home soon.
Mar.16th
Do you still have to go to school? So much for AR! What have u heard about airports closing? Kelly said only 7 open in US but FAA website not saying anything.
We can work from home. Not sure what that would look like. B, R, and I are going in today at least to work on distance learning for our 5th graders.
Not sure about the airports closing. I HAVE heard some airports are starting to screen people for fever before letting them onto the plane. This adds SEVERAL hours to the process.
That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if air travel gets curtailed eventually. Whatever shit storm Italy’s going through will probably come to the U.S.
Guess hitch hiking home from Florida won’t be so bad...
March 17th
Hey Bros!
Day 2 of my Shelter In Place ordeal proceeds. We teachers showed up for work yesterday only to be told to go home. Which I did but only after ensuring my 5th graders had at least a week's worth of math, reading, and writing to look forward to.
Actually, most of that stuff went home Friday. At lunch that day, we got The Word from the High Mucky-Mucks that we were closing up shop till 4/24. Yesterday, we spent our time putting as much material on-line as possible.
Not sure what we teachers will do next week. I am positive that the Superintendent doesn't know either. We will continue to get paid; that's one nice thing.
After getting home, I worked outside; mostly on the fruit trees and lawn. Today, I shall put on my vintner's cap. The raccoons are polite about it but I can tell they're really impatient for that first crop of grapes.
Am checking in with D and T every few days. Thus far, both seem to be doing well but a supply run to Lake City may be in my near future. We are well-provisioned thanks to Mrs. H's foresight.
(Or CNN-induced paranoia. Take your pick.)
I realize that going bonkers from boredom is a luxury afforded by having a kick-ass union. A problem many people would like to have right now.
Not sure what but if you all can think of any assistance we could provide, speak up. Even though Wendi really doesn't want me leaving the home except under the most urgent circumstances (granted, neither does the Governor), I can make my escape for family.
Forget your hands; clean your cell phone.
March 17th
Saw this at the graffiti wall in Bremerton. What will become of our students for six weeks if this is where they start 😭😭
Well, I for one think people SHOULD start using their Brian! The world would be a much better place, don’t you agree?
You’re not wrong...
March 20th
I think the best thing to have done would have been to send the Chrome Books home. Or at least check them out to certain families. Granted, that would have entailed sending the charging chords home as well but it would have been something.
Yes, a tiny fraction might not have internet at home. That seems like a base problem. Let the Navy solve that one.
What is Zoom?
(Author’s note: Cue the dramatic music in the mini-series.)
March 20th
As am I; as am I.
We teachers keep getting messages from the Superintendent to "keep working from home".
Well, this week, I worked on the lawn, the fruit trees, and the grape vines.
Not sure what other work she means.
Least we're still getting paid. For all this work done at home.
I've been twice weekly checking on G'Pa Larry and Tina. The former is taking this shelter in place business seriously. Unsure whether I can say the same about Mrs. H. 😐
Best go see if there are any further instructions from my District OverLady. (That's a word, right? Can't call my female boss an Overlord.)
Adios!
March 20th
Okay, been searching high and low for a why embetterfy Jackbox. There is an App called Houseparty which might just be the ticket.
I could put my phone on a stand facing the TV. Anyone with the HP app should be able to see everything.
...I would need to use the iPad to actually play JBHP and could could put the on it as well. Hmmm.. You young folk are more tech savvy that I. Your thoughts?
P.S. Embetterfy is the 2020 Word of the Year. Show your coolness by using it in every situation.
March 21st
Call it: 1:34 PM.
I'm out of my PJs!
Why? Why?
Well, when your 16 year old sons gives you that, "Geez, WHAT a slacker..." look.
More than one time.
March 23rd
Ahhh! I am exposed!!! (Stupid zipper)
Lol! Sorry Brian. You're doomed
March 26th
♫ (Shhh) Wendi is in the kitchen, inventorying all our frozen foodstuffs in the fridge, whilst dancing to "Can't Touch This!" being played on the Amazon Echo. ♪
It is the best of times, it is the worst of times.
And Alexa doesn't sound in anyway judgmental when asked to repent the song.
...
Repeat. Repeat the song. 😂
March 28th
Message From Your Minister of Mirth:
Very well. The Fine People have spoken!
Tonight at a few minutes before 6:00, I will send out a Zoom invite.
Currently, we have 8 people willing to give this Brave New Experiment in Fun a go.
Depending on how many people actually show up AND which game we choose, some of us may need to be audience members.
The first person in the cheap seats will be Yours Truly but we may need additional folks. These folks can log into the game and have some influence on the game's outcome. This just depends on the game.
If this goes well tonight, and it's something we'd like to continue, I could easily see this becoming a weekly or even twice weekly thing. And opening it up to more of CC.
It's got very little set up required and a minimum of 4 people required.
If so, I'd probably spring for the pro version so we wouldn't need to worry about time limits.
But that's a worry for the future. Right now, let's just focus on having a great time tonight.
See you at 6:00.
Stay Classy, Silverdale
Your Earl of Entertainment And for Pete's Sake, take that post-it off of your tablet's back-facing camera!
March 28th
My dumb son decided to make himself a lunch of potstickers.
The recommended serving size is five (5).
He was just about to tuck in to his plate of : 🥟🥟🥟🥟🥟🥟🥟🥟🥟🥟🥟🥟🥟🥟🥟 🥟
when his mom entered the kitchen. 😠😠😠😠
March 28th
It’s important to know your place in society.
-Solid scapegoat.
Maybe THAT’s why you love that goat so much.
The original scapegoats were a pair of goats; which (in theory) helped the ancient Hebrews avoid Divine Retribution.
One was sacrificed and the other was released into the wilderness; taking all the villagers’ sins with it.
I’m not taking the fall for all your wicked, wicked ways, Mrs. W!
I much prefer the term “whipping boy”.
We can do that WB. Can we call you Wubs?
Whatever works for you. I just want to be accommodating!
Mar. 28th
Wendi's decided to start farming. Our mini-greenhouse will be up and running by the end of the weekend.
In the meantime, we have the "Plantinator".
We're going to have a lot of tomatoes, cucumbers, and peppers this fall. 🍅🍅 🥒🥒🌶️🌶️
Now if we could just raise our own car food..
...
Granted, Tanith and Brooklyn do seem to nibbling on the sugar 🐜 , which have appeared over this last week. Ants are calories, right?
Darnit! I meant "cat food". Our cars don't need much food right now.
So I don't garden nor do I want to. I will eagerly encourage and cheerlead as you garden. I will just as eagerly take any excess vegetables you have during harvest season and ooh and ahh over their tastiness so you will feel doubly satisfied with your bounty.
Well, I'm not really good at doing the 'abundance of grains and new wines' thing.
My...3 apple trees, 2 plum trees, and one pear tree and numerous grape vines have produced a STAGGERING 5 pieces of (barely) edible fruit among them.
So, we're really counting on Wendi's green thumb.
Mar. 29th
No Covid for me!!!!!! I’m coming over!
The drawbridge is up. Keep out!!