Refrigerator Excavations

Proper Notice

Sent: Friday, April 28, 2017

To: Everyone

Subject: Time For a Clean Sweep!

Folks,

Next week, Mrs S. and I will have Staff Duty and I have decided to take the job of cleaning out the fridges.

Since they were never cleaned out over the summer, there still items from 2015-2016 in there.

Yesterday, while unsuccessfully rooting around for my Emergency Burrito, I found half an ice cream sandwich.

Half an ice cream sandwich….

And a bag of somewhat melted popsicles got stuck to my hand.

They are pretty awful and we’re coming up on hot weather when many of us like to buy cold treats for our students. But not in those two freezers.

So anyway, sometime during the next week, I’ll start going through both and tossing anything that looks questionable. I’ll start with the right fridge.

If there is something you are really counting on for your next class party; that half an ice cream sandwich is essential to your May Party Plans, then please name/date it so I’ll know not to get rid of it. (I have velcro’d a Sharpie to each freezer for this purpose.)

That too much trouble?? Then just email me to tell me that, yes, you do want to keep that 90% empty bucket of year-old vanilla ice cream and I will make a note of it.

No need to thank me. I’m just bossy that way.

Mr. H.

Part One

Sent: Wednesday, May 03, 2017

Subject: Refrigerator Excavation: Day 1-A Mystery Solved!

Well, my first foray into cleaning out our heinous refrigerators went about as expected. Due to Amazon's shocking failure to deliver as promised-

-I stuck with the least dangerous option: cleaning out the right side freezer.

What did I discover? Many things. 

Many repellent things..

A crap-ton of intertwined otter pops got chucked. More of an otter sphere. 

There were a few unlabeled items which were not repellent: 3 full tubs of ice cream. It would... pain me to have toss out such nectar so I put an "Up For Grabs" Post-It on each. I'll give them till Friday. Please use them.  Don't we have a Fun Run coming up?  June maybe?  

But enough of my bloviating. I know what you Common Folk are clamoring for. You want to know which item has won today's coveted "Grossest Item Not Even Fit For Jackson Park's Staff Room" trophy.
Well, it was a tough call. While surveying for my next excavation in the cooler below, I unearthed this possible aperitif. 

From Hell!!

Anyone know if sparkling cider improves with age like fine wines and dudes in their late 40's? 

The September, 2015 date would seem to argue against. 

That liquid peaked a year and a half ago. It’s been all downhill from then.

But the winner was a single small nugget stuck to floor of the ice box. "Stuck" isn't the right word as when I picked it up, the one-time....popsicle(?) started to… ooze off the stick. While still theoretically frozen.

This is not natural. 

(Shudder….)

So that was Day 1. Who knows what exciting loathsome adventures lay before me? Tune in next time! 

Oh, that mystery solved? Well, I discovered this note, way in the back, and it explains a lot. 

Sigh. That bastard is always one step ahead of me....