Refrigerator Excavations Part Two
Sent: Wednesday, May 03, 2017 5:12 PM
Subject: Refrigerator Excavation: Day 2. Importance: Low
Okay, I’ve settled down now.
And just washed my hands for the 87th time.
It actually went more quickly today. Just a few things of note.
First, what’s with all the syrup? Was there a great Syrup Panic 3 or 4 years ago; causing someone here to want to stock up?
Oldest thing exhumed? Well, that would be this can of V-8.
Just think of all that history that little cylinder has seen!
Whomever bought this was probably wondering how the Seahawks’ new coach was going to do. And if the first season of Game of Thrones would be worth watching.
But that wasn’t the most peculiar thing. Not even close.
Nor was it the almost two years expired unopened jar of sauerkraut.
You see, sauerkraut starts out disgusting so it really didn’t have that far to fall.
No, what gets the Most Peculiar Prize was this little bag and its contents.
So somebody, after guzzling down some syrup and presumably some carrots, decided that he or she was simply too full to finish eating the….
Zero grams of carrots left.
That’s weird. (Though, not necessarily weird in a bad way.)
But, all in all, it went pretty smoothly. Thank you to all who have done a great job labeling stuff. You might want to avoid breathing anywhere near the Staff Room garbage can for the foreseeable future.
Or even just breathing in the Staff Room.
Tomorrow, I start the Port-Side Unit. I’m pretty confident it will go just as well.
Your Loyal Servant,
Bob
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2017
Subject: Refrigerator Excavation: Part 3: The Frigidaire Strikes Back!
Syrup. Found more syrup.
…..
Well, the Lower Left Quadrant is done. And from the thunder and lightning outside, it seems I angered the Penicillin Gods.
The process continues to speed up. Either you all have started dumping your own expired stuff OR I’m just not being as picky as to what gets thrown out.
And chuck I did!
Wow, do we ever like our Mustard here!
Sadly, most of it was long expired so we are down to a mere 3 varieties of the stuff: honey, spicy brown, and, uh…“yellow”? (Is that an actual category?)
Anyway, now’s the time when we teachers need to decide whether to put in for a transfer. I expect many of you have a hard decision as to whether you want to tough out 2017-18 in a place with such a dearth of yellowish condiment options.
There were a few extra repellent items.
This, for instance:
Or the substance below. Strange. It doesn’t seem raw and yet, it’s not…cooked.
Somehow, this bacon managed to… mummify itself?
This little micro-ecosystem probably has the making of several Ph.D. dissertations. It might have been the start of whole new branches of science!
But who cares? Into the trash can it went.
But those items were gross. Gross, I can handle.
But this below really annoys me!
I’m waiting for the Lab Reports to get back to me but this looks like 2? 3? months ago, somebody brought in a small Tupperware-full of fried rice.
And then proceeded to forget about it.
This is just thoughtless, people!
This did not come out of a package.
That’s brown rice in there; which takes a lot longer to cook than white rice. Not that this chuckle-head cared! Nope! Just shoved it in the back and forgot about it. :(
I know how labor intensive this dish is because, on rare occasions, Mrs. Hardy will make it for me.
….with peas
…and diced ham…..
You know what? Let’s not dwell on this. The Bacon wins today’s Grossest Item Found Award.
Time to go disinfect my body.
Your Most Humble Servant, Earl
Sent: Sunday, May 07, 2017 10:24 AM
Subject: RE: Part 4: The Final Insult
Well, all good things must come to an end.
As do all loathsome and tedious things.
(Excepting the Medicaid studies, of course.)
We finished on Friday, and I mean We as Mrs. S joined me. Now I know how much hearing “Eeeeeewww!” every 3 to 4 minutes can really improve worker morale.
Anyway, there were the usual grody suspects. Here the World’s Saddest Ice Cream Treat; both pre and post-autopsy:
All together now: “Eeeeeewww!”
Then there was the occasional head scratcher:
Three ice cubes.
In a freezer bag.
Inside a freezer.
Trippy……….
And I thought the single frozen strawberry was a nice touch. Artistes such as myself appreciate such attention to detail.
But, all in all, the project ended well. What was once two very large cool petri dishes are now slightly more useable. Despite my “everything must go” attitude at the start of the project, there are still a few “Free to a Good Home” edibles left over. Please enjoy.
My family enjoyed some only slightly rank birthday cake ice cream over the weekend.
And syrup and prune juice make an excellent…..substance. We got a month and 4 bottles to finish here, people!
Not sure how I feel about those two new big boxes on the port-side unit but it’s time for me to put down the mantle.
That damp, moldy, shriveled up mantle…
…..
Or is it??
Friday, I’ve had literally… ones of people asking me to continue this agony of cleaning up crap for Clear Creek’s entertainment.
(Who knew Mrs. B. was such twisted wreck of humanity?)
Well, that got me thinking. (Pause for snide comments to die down.) Having just finished a Fun Run Fundraiser, why not start another!
Wish to join BAT-Let’s Make Brian Continue to Suffer For Our Amusement at the Nerf Herder Level of Membership:
Imagine your delight as I tackle....
The Horror Show that is Mrs. L’s Room!!!!
(Da! Da! Daaaa!)
The Post-it 2 inches off center! (gasp!)
The chair, not completely pushed in! (another gasp!)
The one chapter book placed in amongst the NF titles! (synonym for gasp!)
The ^%&##@ missing light switch!! (huh?)
Wish to up your game? Really feeling the need to support worthy causes like BAT-LMBCtSFOA?
That Bald Guy in Cloud City With the Cell Phones On His Head -Level Of Membership: Two words - Mr. B.
And finally, for those who just are all heart. Who believes in supporting fine art; even when it’s horrible…
I present:
Admiral Ackbar Level Membership.
Imagine the laughter, the tears, the suspense as I tackle the greatest (and by that I mean nastiest) challenge of my career: Portable 49
Be one of the first to sign up get a genuine School District tote bag! I’ve got, what? 18 years’ worth of them?
Time to do some real work.
Boba