Fridge Saga Conclusion
Sent: Friday, May 18, 2018 7:34 AM
Subject: Day 3-“THE THIRD DAY”
Mixed emotions here. The lower portion of the refrigerator was not too shabby. Not great but I didn’t feel to the need to hose off afterwards.
First of all, the three amigos have lasted another year.
Believe it or not, they have another 2 months till they go bad. Well, two months before they’re officially even worse. I was soooo close to chucking them but I know some teachers do a pancake breakfast that last school day of the year. (Hey kids! You do know that you can put this “syrup” on the pancakes, right?!?)
And of course, there is the Hallowed Clear Creek Tradition, going back decades, of the school principal chugging a bottle of syrup at the End of the Year Seminar. I guess keeping these could will save Principal Toby $5 or so.
Speaking of Our Fearless Leader, while interviewing prospective Assistant Principals and teachers, make a point that CC Elementary remains and will always be an inclusive school. All types are welcome here.
But then again…
No, your monitor setting’s aren’t slightly off. Just the mayonnaise. Maybe the expiration date of November of last year is the cause.
Weirdest thing. It was all these little green bags of…chocolate(?) in both heart- and star-shapes. They were everywhere.
At least they probably started out star- and heart-shaped. After doing an autopsy on one of the bags, the results were less conclusive.
Yes, my good man. I would like to buy 2 pounds of your finest chocolate kidney stones, please!
One thing I feel important to mention. Contrary to popular opinion, plastic bags don’t actually offer any protective benefits for the food within. Hence, this one-time pastry.
This little grenade was part of a most peculiar collection within a chic black plastic bag. There’s a story here. A story of Adventure! Loyal Feline Companions! (Or at least a hungry one which is pretty much the same thing with cats.) Slightly Expired Cheese! Thirst! Weaponized Banana Cake! And Halitosis!
But such a story is beyond the meager abilities of this word smith to do it justice. Feel free to take it from here. Maybe this could be the idea for our spring writing prompt?
So that was it for Thursday. If all goes to plan, I will, A) be shocked as hell and B) attempt the freezer today after school.
Stay frosty!
Our Most Useless Things
(With apologies to Rogers and Hammerstein.)
(and Dame Judy Andrews)
(Really, just the whole country of Austria…)
♫ Boxes of Ice
And food for dogs long dead,
Whoever left this mess was kind of a dickhead,
Brown paper bags leaking smelly black strings,
These are a few of our most useless things! ♫
♫ Blood-colored drips from “food” long passed its shelf life,
Oozing green- Holy crap!
What’s with the butcher knife??
Syrup from “Aught10” and whatever we call this thing,
These are a few our most useless things! ♫
♫ When the water’s foul
When the kids bite
When I’m feeling blue.
I simply remember all these gross things
And then I want to spew! ♫
♫ Boxes of Ice
And what’s with the single tong?
Is this a frozen hair? Well that’s just so very wrong!
Brown paper bags leaking smelly black strings,
These are a few of our most useless things! ♫
♫ Burritos are beans, so then why’s this one bleeding?
We have yet more coffee makers?
Oh Crap, now they’re breeding!
Bags and more bags of these chocolate…somethings!
These are a few of our most useless things! ♫
♫ Cassette tapes, tiny wicker chairs
And many tons of glitter,
Why can’t we just fuss up?
We’re mostly saving our litter.
Confession time, why can’t we just come out and say it?
This place is infested with every kind of useless…stuff.
I believe in the advantages that being organized brings.
Isn’t it time we decided to purge all these useless things?!? ♫
…………….