The Goal: Amour
10/14/2018
The Place: Somewhere in America
The Time: Very Late on a Saturday Evening
The Actors: Husband and Wife
The Goal: Amour
The Problem: An Oblivious Teenage Son
Dialogue
Husband and Wife: Is he still in the tub? I told him to get out ten minutes ago.
X, time to get out!
Sounds of the spawn getting out of the bathroom. Loudly stomping to his room. Loudly closing the door. Loudly...well everything.
Okay, he’ll be lights out any minute now. My lovely...
Sounds of son loudly, oh so loudly tramping downstairs.
What is he doing? Is he watching TV? It’s almost midnight!
Husband goes out to see what’s what.
...
Husband comes back after a suspiciously long time.
Wife: So he’s finally in bed?? I can’t believe he took this long. Tonight I told him to take a bath by 10:00 but he was still playing xBox.....
....And then he looked at me like I......
.....But he said he was in the middle of a fight and just needed five more minutes....
Husband: (Wife takes a Breath) I just stepped on a cat turd. It was right next to the litter box so I win the complaint contest.
Wife: ......
Son: (Attempting to open the door to tell us good night. Due to past unpleasant experience, the door is locked.) Good night. See you in the morning!
Husband and Wife from Under The Covers (Instinctive habits being hard to break) Goodnight, son!
Husband and Wife in a Sotto Voce: Ya clueless ding dong.
Wife: (Laughter) You did whhhhat? Don’t- Why- Get that nasty foot out of this bed.
Husband: I knew what it was instantly and hopped to the bathroom and cleaned my foot. Then I went back, wrapped up the turd in toilet paper and flushed it. That’s why I took so long in getting back.
Wife:....(More laughter) But what about the carpet?
Husband: Well, you can clean it tomorrow. Now where were we?
Wife: (In between peals of laughter) You are trying to woo me and you say “You...can... clean...the carpet....tomorrow??
Husband: No response.
End scene.
Yes, Dear Reader. That is the end of this sad little tale.
I just leave you with a bit medical advice. Hopping on a leg suffering from sciatica CAN cause debilitating cramps to crop up at, shall we say, inopportune times. Be careful.