Life and Death

 If you all will indulge me…

   This past week, I was given a stark lesson in how to check out. 

   First, my friend Tim and I went over to Twisp last weekend to work on cleaning out his recently deceased mom’s house. A house which had been unoccupied for the past couple of years. In middle school/high school, I remember going over to Tim’s and thinking that it was a very crowded house. This trend of holding onto everything continued right up till Charlene went into a home. In two days, Tim and I cleared out the Living Room. That’s it. 

   Were it my house, I would sell it in a heartbeat but Tim, whose family has been in Valley for over a century now, just can’t give up his last tie to the Valley. So, he has many more weekends in Twisp ahead of him. Once it’s cleaned out, the house will still require a lot of contractor work: siding, electrical, carpentry, etcetera so I’d be surprised if the house is livable before 2024. Charlene bequeathed a year or two of draining work for her children. (Tim’s younger sister Stacey lives in MO so he’s currently doing all the figurative and literal heavy lifting.)

    Also, this past week, Holly took Tina on a tour of a couple of memory care facilities in the Edmonds area. Holly lives in Marysville so Edmonds would be midpoint between Holly and us. For the past couple of years, Wendi and Holly have been trying to convince Tina that it wasn’t safe for her to live on her own. The fact that Tina agreed to at least look was great progress and she seemed to like the Fieldstone Facility a lot. (While Edmonds Landing was also nice, it’s not set up for what Tina needs.) 

   Though we haven’t had a chance for an in-depth chat with Holly, it seems Tina’s in the “Yes, but…” stage. Yes, she loved Fieldstone but she really wants to spend summers in the Valley. Perhaps we could work out a 6 months Edmonds/6 months Winthrop schedule? Starting in September 2023? 

In other words, not right now. It’s never been “right now”: always sometime in the future.

And so H&T will need to spend more time negotiating and cajoling with their mother. Trying to get her to say “It’s time” then another round of negotiating and cajoling to actually get her moved. Tina’s stubbornness is causing her daughters no end of stress and heartburn. 

   I suspect both of the above mothers just refuse to give up control: whether in terms of a single house or a whole family. Whatever the reason, their children are bearing the brunt of these selfish decisions. 

    As our final exhibit: Larry Hardy. This same past week when I dealt with both Tina’s and Charlene’s poor choices, I finally received the county notarized documents saying Dad’s estate is officially done. My duties as Executor are complete. 

   Was the past year and a half fun? No, but compared to what Tim and the Heath Ladies have gone through and will continue to go through, I got off very easy. It just took some time and record keeping. 

   At no time was I required to argue with anyone nor sneak behind their back, and I certainly never had to wade through neatly organized stack after stack of utility bills from the 90s. 

   Didn’t know it at the time but Dad did a “dostadning”: Swedish Death Cleaning and for that I am very grateful. Did he leave us multiple houses or a large life insurance pay out? Nope but neither did he leave his heirs a lot of anger and sadness. Just a lot of good memories. 

And this, I suspect, was his main goal. 

   Mission accomplished, Lawrence Edward. You managed a good death. 

   If only all children were so lucky. 

Signing Off For The Final Time.

Executor Brian